THE TUSSLE


Think of the most beautiful person in your life and you will be happy again. So I thought of you today and as a result my mind is again lost in your eternal beauty, my heart is dictating the words and my hand is following what mind and heart are saying. I am writing again and that too a story which I wanted to reach the zenith of the sky. The same paragraph was there in the last excerpt also, it was taken from this incomplete piece waiting for its completion. Mind is a complex system; it always controls your heart and disparages you from enjoying the beauty. But as I say, a beauty not enjoyed is a pain forever; so I always live the moment and enjoy it with the heart. There is a unique thing called speaking truth from the heart and perhaps I am the master of it. I never let my brain manipulate the thoughts that cross my life and always try and define it with words that have a direct connection with the heart. Though this heart has landed me in trouble number of times but I still believe in the power of heart that can transform any moment into a wonder.

Life is all about doing things that you like and joy of it increases when you do it for a person who values it. In course you surprise them, leave them speechless and make them feel special. I am blessed with this uncanny habit of making people happy with the words that I chose to define them or those special moments associated with them. The best part of giving a compliment is that you always get one back and thus starts the loop of awesomeness. You discover the smile that was lost somewhere is reinstated on your face and your life starts again. You can talk to someone day and night, continuously for hours but you realize the worth or the importance of this when you share a loving silence with that person. The Venus in me never allows the me to think of something other than love and its various parts; it is like that ignition fuel that triggers the beautiful thoughts in my heart and switches off the manipulative mind. Coming back to the main point but first let me define the time that I found myself in. An engineer waiting for employment getting into the much anticipated corporate world and struggling to keep the pace with the new life, relation changing to long distance, local calls to std calls, MBA preparation taking a new turn and above all finding a home away from home. The life was completely changed with all the doubts about software field coming to surface and I desperately started to search for some other field, thinking for the happiness for the first time in my life. Life was tough, time was rough and I found myself rowing a boat in the storm of life accumulating all the rare hope that came my way. My only aim in life was to wither this storm and emerge victorious.

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love-an eternal gift

Consider yourself locked in a dark room with only one escape that is locked. The key to the room was lost in the beautiful lie that you thought of as your and has now left you amidst all the pain. Living a life that you never dreamt of and with every passing day losing a part of you in a struggle to pacify your soul. I lived a life pretty similar or even worse for 7 days and now I know nothing can be worse as I have been to the nadir point of every negative emotion. Rubbing salt to the wound was people asking about my broken dream and being a software engineer maintaining that corporate smile and conveying it through my words was perhaps the most difficult thing to do. For a software engineer working in the so called biggest MNC, there are only two things that he concentrates on barring copy and paste are beauties and CAT. I found myself in a place where my emotions abstained me from falling for another beauty and my mind was full of disparaging thoughts about distant dream of MBA. Yes I was going through a phase where my heart and mind were both aching for beauty and MBA respectively. January 14, the day when I received two crushing blows, a meager percentile in CAT and a much anticipated heart break which many people call a breakup (no hard feelings for her as what we had was beautiful and will forever remain).

Itinerary was such that the pain was multiplied by unknown times and people passing judgments on you in an erroneous manner. With aching heart and blank mind you move along to a path that you are not destined for. Shattered confidence, lost hope, I looked at my burning playground and tried to find peace amidst all the repercussions. After losing each and every hope, when you think of giving everything a rest, a moment comes when you find your every dream resurrected. A silver lining that everyone talks about and trust me when you live it, it is a moment worth to savour and relish whole of your life.

Articulating it further, returning from techno park (where I worked) I checked on one of the CAT PREP group (I used to be a regular during my days of preparation) that XAT result was declared. For some odd reason I remembered my XAT ID and countering all the withdrawing forces and negativity I checked my result. 96.xx percentile was what it was showing, I had tears in my eyes and noticed my friend watching me. He asked what the matter was and I showed him the surprise that we both were not expecting and expression on his face spoke everything. I started to dial the most frequently dialed number but I disconnected my call and instead connected to another familiar number, the number which I was dialing frequently for the past one week to re-instill some positivity in me. I called my father and with a heavy voice and hidden happiness I told him that I am back in the game. The game of dreams that I was desperate to play and for a change everything in this world was looking good again. It seemed that my life has received that support system needed for revival and I was living again.

“Hope is a good thing; May be the best of things and no good things ever dies”, the dialog from SHWASHANK REDEMPTION is what echoed in my head. Bible says “stop hoping, start believing” but sometimes the negativity in you reaches such a level that to keep your bloat afloat you need a fuel called hope. Thinking of the movie and the bible, my dreams were again floating in my IMG_2277head and with new hope I inculcated self-belief that was lost; a sense of achievement was what I was feeling. The faith in hard-work was restored and I found that God has his own way of rewarding you. Accept all the things with full grace, move along the path to your dreams and let the changes take a natural course. Trust me on the fact when I say if it’s not beautiful, it’s not the end. Life is stranded between a beautiful beginning and a glorious end, wait for the glory in life to guide you towards the end that you dream of. Let you dreams soar and passion ignite every path that you travel upon.

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