The break is finally over and I am back to the red bricked structure and to the south of my home town. Few of the previous pieces have given way to unidirectional thoughts and have been an inspiration for becoming regular at my work. I am obsessed with GAME OF THRONES and that is duly reflected in my work. Coming to the south when winter is coming has got nothing to deal with the iron throne but with that crown that every MBA graduate dreams of. Sometimes I feel that this MBA is not made for people like me and I was better served for doing freelancing rather than giving structure to the rarest sense i.e. common sense.
My life has become complicated and it is difficult to give words or to define it in any language. Though my Facebook status reads as single as going against the tide is the new cool and challenging the concept of sharing is my way of doing it. A facebookholic is me and writing status is my way out when I feel depressed. For some these statuses are helpful and for others they may seem long posts that need to be ignored. I interact with many types of people and they ask me many types of questions. Some questions serve as an inspiration to improve further and some find a way to escape my mind and come out us a blog. Yesterday I was struck with a similar question and my mind has not returned to normal since that question found a way out of my friend.
Before going any further with my though process I would like to throw some light on the recent issues and when I say some light it means the whole of it. Time is strange and a glass of long island ice tea is making short work of people…Adding a long island to the ice and tea can change the whole game. People get hit sensually and thinking of the satire in getting hit I get hit physically. Finding a cab has become difficult in Delhi and has resulted in boom in the business of auto drivers, atleast they can proudly say ACHE DIN AA GYE HAI. So somewhere our PM has delivered though unintentionally. My firm belief is that he will deliver but the question is; are the people ready for it? Politics is the only thing that never inspires me as cleanliness is next to godliness and being an atheist the former is of prime importance. Finally the smart phones have a camera with decent pixels but people use Instagram to blur the photos. Clicking photos has become more or less a habit for every gen-Y person and is collectively termed as selfie fever. Sometimes I feel that there is no use of the back camera as what counts is the front one. I think today’s world is so obsessed of taking these selfies that time is not far when you will see people holding phones just for clicking selfies. Being a photographer myself it hurts to see the art taking a wrong turn and people trending it by adding a hash-tag before every post. But I don’t care as people who trend it accuse me of becoming a photographer after buying a DSLR and their compliment starts with praising the camera which literally belittles my hard-work that I did in understanding this complex machine. I have a DSLR and yes I am photographer who believes in capturing poem without words rather than capturing some stupid artificial expressions. A photograph that one has taken of oneself is acceptable, but posting a new picture of oneself every day isn’t necessary.
The world is going through a rough time and the above paragraph is only what I can think of. We were discussing about questions that a person faces in life. The question that bothers me the most is, are you still single? The whole complexion of the question is changed by a single word. If you ask me, are you single? The answer is definitely a yes but the word still leaves me in a dilemma of finding a single word to define my feelings. If I say yes then my effort to please a beauty for 4 years will be interred with my answer and a no will add to the pain that I went through in those 4 years. Now I can understand those HT polls that have can’t say as an answer and I can definitely say that it serves me the best in this case. These beauties and the theories surrounding them have made a permanent place in my heart and are conspiring against my mind so that they can get hold of my life. Once I allowed a beauty to become a part of me and in return she took away the most beautiful part of me. Answering the question with an affirmative will bring disgrace to that most beautiful part of me which is dearly missed. The day she left with the most cherished part of me, my search is on for someone who can lend me the most cherished part of her and incourse complete me. This completion will take a long time as it takes a beautiful mind and a large heart to gift someone what I gifted my beauty in return of all the pain.
This question bought to surface the hidden pain that I have been hiding all these days. But the bigger truth is that I am still not at peace with the question that had taken me back to the bumpy ride into the past. Every cloud has a silver-lining and for me that lining is when I spend my time roaming around outer and inner circles of CP with my camera and a bunch of maniacs. For me happiness is when I am with my friends moving ahead with no worries and on the way clicking pictures to make them a beautiful memory. This camera of mine has seen it all; it has captured the most beautiful moment to the gloomiest ones but has stayed strong. My passion of writing and photography has always helped me to find the shore in this deep ocean. To sum it all, I will write my dilemma in the form of a rhyme.
Thinking beyond the ordinary..
With a gentle wind brushing past my face..
Those countless moments of anguish..
Those beautiful memories of love..
A storm of thoughts they trigger..
A question that still lingers.
Facing the things that meant the world to me..
But are not in the future to be..
From every morning that I step in..
To a never ending night…
A continuous fight with an emptiness of sorts.
A constant feeling that never stops..
Life of a puppet..
Is what I call mine..
Emotionally strangled is me..
But with a hope to change everything with an accuracy of a dime..
Penning it all down..
The memories in which I drown..
And I say, I am not a fighter..
But I am still fighting..
I am not a writer…
But I am still writing…