Confession Of Heart

Twelfth of February, a day when strangeness combined with the loneliness and I found myself striking the keys of the keyboard to fill the room with some sort of cadence to allay that feeling of emptiness that has changed my life upside down. It is that month of the year where you find love brewing out of every corner but somehow my life has no unturned corner left and thus the feeling of emptiness has gripped me. My mind always remains in the practical world and my heart stranded with beauties and their thoughts. They never complement each other, just like two opposite faces of magnet. My heart always gets the better of my mind and Venus being the governing planet, my life has been a journey of falling in and out of love.

What has prompted me to write in this month of love which certainly had an ever lasting impact on me in the past but somehow has lost all its importance? Answer to this question will certainly result in interference of many emotions and my journey in both directions of love. It was very easy for me fall in love every time but that ease of falling in was nowhere to be seen when I discovered the pain of falling out. To recover from that pain, I have always resorted to someone and has resulted in me falling again. My life has always been complex; some have fallen in love with my words and when those words ceased, the phase of falling out started. Once an angel of a fairytale told me to love someone who doesn’t know that you are a master at writing those well intentioned words. Today remembering that beauty and her words brings a smile to my face. I may have ignored her at that point of time but probably she was right, it is the fault of the words that has resulted in the emptiness.

The world will never understand the power of words. My experience with love and hatred has made me experience the might of it. These words can take your heart away, melt it and mold it in a way that you fall in love again. As the strangeness and loneliness has gripped me, I have resorted to these words to break the silence of my life. Just opened the window and fell the evening azure, the breeze just made me remember the most cherished encounter with love. I was in love with her silence, those months when love brewed in my life taught me the power of loving silence. It can overpower any emotion in this world but somehow when my words broke their silence it was again back to a world when words became her preference over me. And now those well intentioned words have stopped coming out and so does the love of her is reaching the natural end.

All this while, I have been in thoughts of someone very different. People say love has a face and even today when I close my eyes I still see her. The phase when I was enjoying my share of love with someone else, her face always existed. She is the one to whom I couldn’t confess, these words built a castle of emotions around her in which she drowned but somehow came to the shore without uttering those words. My words fell short to attract her to my dream filled with emotions of pure love. Even today my words still find her in the core of heart but fail to understand the esoteric relation of life. My dilemma always ends up forming a rhyme and reciting that I have always believed…

What If..

My words find a way..

And tell her that she is the one..

 

What if..

She feels the same emotions..

That I feel..

 

What if..

She was waiting for me to confess,,

With a touch of emotional finesse..

 

What if..

Her heart beats for me..

Like mine beating for her..

 

What if..

She recites the same lullaby..

And her heart and mind rhymes in rhapsody..

 

What if..

She is the way to my dreams..

Breaking the flow of this monotonous stream..

 

What if..

In a parallel universe..

We walk together with every lyrical verse..

 

What If..

This confession compels me..

To write my heart to her..

 

What if..

She denies the feelings..

In which I believe..

Thus bringing an end to that face..

Which has left a beautiful trace..

 

This rise and fall of melody..

The dilemma of what if..

Always finds better of me..

Another try I will give..

My eyes closed, her beautiful face..

These emotions I shall live..

 

NOTE: FICTIONS ARE ALL MINE, FACTS ARE ALL YOURS

A vengeance

image

So after a brief moment away from writing, I am back again. So what happened in the month of april that has made me overcome the creative block. After struggling to find words to define what my heart was going through I decided to board the bus which took me to hills. I was on a solo trip to kasol and nearby area in parvati valley. The peace of the place just instilled words in me and I was back again to the thing that many say I am good at, yes poems part. I will be writing about my experience but it is time for few rhymes which I wrote sitting the cafe dedicated to Jim Morrison. Here it goes..
A vengeance…
A payback..
Let us not look back..
Start on a new note..
Write them as beautiful songs..
As there are only words..
That take your heart away..
Melt it and mold it in a way..
You love it everyday..
Hatred and love…
Two different emotions..
Those words unite them..
A surreal sensation..
You love it..
You hate it..
But the one who listens..
Admires it..
A vengeance long forgotten..
A payback never done..
But these words…
And the beautiful song..
A testimony of who has won..

Mirage Of Hope

image

Walking home one day..
I heard a beautiful voice..
It was a beautiful day of spring..
The reason that made her sing..
The wind was still…
The trees were hushed..
I was lost in the song which I heard..
It was not just the words..
But the rise and fall of the melody..
Which held me in thrall..
Somehow made my heart stall..
Young tender voice..
Made my senses rejoice..
I left my path…
Moved towards the sound…
As soon as I came near..
My world turned around..
The singing stopped..
My heart still stalled…
Tried to climb back to reality…
Wondering about the nature’s alchemy..
I heard her once..
I heard her twice…
If I wanted I may have heard her thrice..
Drawing analogies..
There was something that didn’t suffice..
It was my inner angel..
Or a whistling thrush..
Rendering a broken melody..
To recite of my past, a beautiful memory..
She came and engaged..
All the pain she assuaged..
Turned my life page by page..
In form of a song performed on a stage..
I called her a mirage..
A mirage of hope…
As soon as you hear, she elopes..

Dawn and Dusk

image

Life is like stepping into the night..
With darkness being your ally.
In that darkness looking for a ray of light..
And the light being your only hope..
There is a  notion that tells you to give up..
That notion being your only enemy..
When the going gets tough, you find an inspiration..
That inspiration is your solace..
All the while you move ahead..
There is something that pushes you forward..
That something being your source of strength..
That strength at times is a person..
On others it’s just the will to conquer..
With all the strength you wander to conquer deeper and deeper shades of night..
Showing you the way out of every plight..
Conquering your fears, you come out of the dark..
Get mesmerized by the beauty of the dawn..
The journey in you adds a new spark..
As you enjoy every bit of your victory..
Just be informed there will be a jeopardy..
Time is never constant, keeps changing phase…
Leading you to your destination in his own ways..
Time between every dawn to dusk
You live a life..
And in the time between dusk to dawn..
You understand what is life..

The Start

The first month of the New Year is already gone and I am still not over the after effects of the New Year party. Time has always got better of me when it comes to the running part, and as a result I consider it as my enemy and I have been killing it from the inception. We are into the beautiful month of February and the Venus in me suddenly gets that threshold energy required for ignition and go on an over drive mode. The month of February with love not only in the air but also in emotion, infact every possible motion inspired me to write something. Love the most pure emotion and thus February being the purest of month, spreading love and binding hearts. Many people set hopes on the month of February to get someone special or wait for the past to come to sand again. I just close my eyes to get drowned in something too good to be true.

She wanted some peace and I needed some driving force to channel my thoughts into words..
We both met, talked and went to a coffee house. She peacefully sat and drank her coffee and I just captured her beauty in the most well-intentioned words…Her beautiful silence made me dream with open eyes or in others words I looked at her without a wink. After an hour of flirting with emotions, we left but not before presenting her with her words just put together is a song which will rhyme in the tone of music coming from disturbing the most lyrical chords attached to her heart and my words. The writer in me will not limit the meeting to few words, so here it goes.

As I mentioned she wanted some peace and I wanted to drown in the beauty of someone to overcome the creative block that has hindered the flow of words for days. Yes the ingredients of a perfect date were there and thus pushed me to ask her out for a coffee. We have never been very good friends but of late we both found ourselves very close to each other but still that closeness had nothing to do with the usual attraction part. To sum it up, after a gap of almost a year I was accompanied by someone to the place that brings out the best in me.

We took our seat in the most comfortable corner of the café with the sunlight lighting up our table. The winter and sun is a magical combination for people like us, nothing brings more joy than to relax under the sun with cold breeze of winter ruffling up your senses. We had the best place in the house, away from crowd and strong aroma of coffee just adding the missing part to the environment. Accompanying her was a book named Norwegian Wood, looking at the cover of it just brought back all memories associated while reading it. We had a brief discussion on the characters of the book and then she warned me against ruining the suspense of the book (the lighter part of it was that the book had none).

IMG_6430

She had a comely figure but what caught my attention was a saffron tint in her complexion. The eyebrows were crescent in shape and pointed inwards as soon as she caught me staring at her. Those swaying black hairs tumbling over her shoulder were enough for a person like me to get attracted to the beauty. Her lilac soft heart shaped lips and sugary voice were enough for me to get mesmerized by her presence. Adding to that the stain that her lips were leaving on the cup were driving me crazy. For a minute or so I wanted to be that cup so that I can taste those adorable lips.

After about an hour of drawing different pictures and arranging them to form a meaningful sequence I decided to give my thoughts a rest. I laid my head down and with my eyes closed I was trying to evince that connection or conversation with the invisible characters of my life. Seeing me she asked to get up and concentrate on writing the thing that has eluded me for the past 4 years. ‘My love for you exist in dreams so please don’t wake me up’, was my reply and trust me it came right from the sequence that I was dreaming about, it just bypassed my mind and thus came like a sweet riposte. She was surprised with my reply and for a few moments she was searching for words. After a long pause she said, ‘so your dreams are ought to be beautiful but reality will always lack as me and you, always in your dreams’.

Hearing her reply, my world in nascent stage came crashing down and as I say if you don’t have a girl you deserve a coffee. Coffee came to my rescue and I again turned my writing mode on so that I could come up with something that may act as a gift for her.

I dreamed.. She conquered..

I loved… She denied..

All this time, I wrote..

And She read..

In between those moments..

My dream came to sand..

Those flowing hair..

To that comely figure..

Cheeks like rose..

With perfection in her every pose..

As soon as I was closer to her..

The dream came to an end..

Probably creating a stir..

Writing this epistle,

I can picture her face..

My heart has remained still,

Lost in that beautiful trace..

 

And after fifteen minutes of my tussle with words, I came up with something and not disturbing her while she was reading, I left the place leaving the above rhyme for her to read. Not expecting anything from her I went home but sometimes the less you expect the more you get…

P.S. Mark this incident as complete… Writing further about what happened can only yield those biased words that I have reserved only for her…

A dream

Sometimes I dream of a place..
A house of every beautiful trace..
The sun rising with the golden crown..
And setting in the other side of town..
From those whispering dawns
To silent dusks..
You experience the joy of life..
Sometimes it is the nature…
And at times your dreams growing in stature..
From numerous tree tops..
To those lush green lawns..
The serenity of the place lights up every dawn..
The flowers basking in their fragrance..
The music, lover’s cadence..
Those numerous birds chirping away..
Finding their place of stay..
Sun shining with a special glow…
Rivers whispering in their flow..
Turning to forest for a green shade..
Or waiting for the clouds, the white cascade..
Echoing sound in the nearby mountain ..
The glories of past, hardly faint..

image

The place in itself is complete…
But only a part of the world..
My words may be complete..
But defining only a part of this emotional swirl..
Days look like dreams..
Nights as an inspiration…
The place surreal in description..
Getting better of my imagination..
An alluding cry i make to the god..
Thou shall allay me of all the fear…
To follow this nature’s steer..
It should take me to a place
where love is above hatred..
Nature is still sacred..
Evenings sing a lullaby…
Heart rhymes in rhapsody..
A place where you can dream..
Or a place made of dreams..

An epiphany

Of all the reasons I miss you..

Here is one..

The love, affection and joy..

You bought were second to none..

I was a chained bird..

Dreaming of the sky..

Trapped in the terminal of people..

Ignoring it…

Leaving it alone..

Waiting for it to reach its inevitable end.

It must have made you terribly sad..

The freedom of that bird..

Was the only thing that you heard..

All you did..

Understood that lonely bird..

Taught it to fly..

And inspired it to dream again..

Sometimes you felt for the bird..

And wrote those feelings..

In form of those beautiful songs..

An impulse for it  to stay strong.

The bird flew..

Reached the zenith of the sky..

But missed those beautiful errands..

In its every flight..

Of all the things that I want to give you.

Is the gift of words..

Your own words..

Your way of noticing

And saying plainly

Of not moving back to hurt..

Just moving with the flow..

You have offered them to me..

In the form of memories..

I am only giving them back..

In a song which will rhyme till eternity..