Roses and Thorns

So again it is the most sought out week for the lovers and for a person like me some food for thought to ponder upon. Sometimes the beeping of the phone reminds you of the glorious days when this week used to have some sort of importance in your life. But the heights are reached when a beautiful someone is replaced by irritating notifications of candy crush. Love in me always finds a way out in some or the other form and recently it took me to some other world where I was with the angel of my fairy living all wishes that I ever had. People call me a master in expressing my heart out but when it comes to the beauty for whom your heart beats, it becomes all the more difficult to give words to the feelings. Without wasting any precious words I must get cracking in writing about that world which has made me meet my beauty in some parallel universe.

The story in the parallel universe has already taken an interesting turn. I have already seen a beautiful beginning with her but I didn’t want to see the end as nothing in this world is more beautiful than her. Ending that ongoing trend would have passed my beauty into nothingness and I cannot prove Mr. Keats wrong. She was like my escapades to life and my windows to dream. With a hope of meeting her at the cross roads again and her ever charming face in my mind I moved along. There was something that made me believe that this is not the end of the road and some day there will be a moment when we will talk away to glory and those beautiful walks will come to sand again.

My belief and hope came true and we met again but things were not the same. She again asked me that what I feel for her. With prior experience of a broken heart in my previous attempt to live happily with a beauty, I chose to limit my words. Smiling at her question I replied, “Your beauty is rare or one of a kind and labeling it as mine is not my intention, I forever want to be that admirer who will make you remember the attributes that you have.” Dumbstruck with my reply she was silent for a few moments and that loving silence made me question my decision of letting her go. But as soon as I started to doubt my decision she came with perhaps the most fitting reply which I was not expecting. She said, “My beauty is like a rose, I want you to be the thorns surrounding the rose and protect me from every admirer that comes my way as I want to get admired by someone who values my words, loves my silence and makes me feel special with his words. Will you do that?” The sky had fallen on me and looking into her deep eyes I could hardly mew a word but strength from an unknown source helped me give words to my emotions and I said yes with a smile. The whole coffee shop was watching both of us but we both were so lost in the emotions surrounding us that we felt as if world has stopped to witness perhaps the most captivating moment. We both were looking in each other’s eyes and were talking without words. We both knew that we will not be together as we wanted to be but still an esoteric relation will continue forever and the trace left will be followed by many and will glorify with every passing minute.

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The relation of roses and thorns between two people who once saw a world together. But as you know when the rose gets plucked, the thorns get separated from the rose and wait for the season where they can again have a rose to protect. Life moves on and you meet new people, some impress you while some admire you but there are some who take your heart away and in return becomes a part of you. She will forever be the reason of having rose as my favorite flower and smiling while walking amidst the gentle breeze. One day we will again meet at the top of the world and will see the glorious trace left behind and share those beautiful moments again. Till then I will live my dream to bring out the best in me.

P.S. A part of it is also a part of another blog..

 

 

 

A dream

Sometimes I dream of a place..
A house of every beautiful trace..
The sun rising with the golden crown..
And setting in the other side of town..
From those whispering dawns
To silent dusks..
You experience the joy of life..
Sometimes it is the nature…
And at times your dreams growing in stature..
From numerous tree tops..
To those lush green lawns..
The serenity of the place lights up every dawn..
The flowers basking in their fragrance..
The music, lover’s cadence..
Those numerous birds chirping away..
Finding their place of stay..
Sun shining with a special glow…
Rivers whispering in their flow..
Turning to forest for a green shade..
Or waiting for the clouds, the white cascade..
Echoing sound in the nearby mountain ..
The glories of past, hardly faint..

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The place in itself is complete…
But only a part of the world..
My words may be complete..
But defining only a part of this emotional swirl..
Days look like dreams..
Nights as an inspiration…
The place surreal in description..
Getting better of my imagination..
An alluding cry i make to the god..
Thou shall allay me of all the fear…
To follow this nature’s steer..
It should take me to a place
where love is above hatred..
Nature is still sacred..
Evenings sing a lullaby…
Heart rhymes in rhapsody..
A place where you can dream..
Or a place made of dreams..

An epiphany

Of all the reasons I miss you..

Here is one..

The love, affection and joy..

You bought were second to none..

I was a chained bird..

Dreaming of the sky..

Trapped in the terminal of people..

Ignoring it…

Leaving it alone..

Waiting for it to reach its inevitable end.

It must have made you terribly sad..

The freedom of that bird..

Was the only thing that you heard..

All you did..

Understood that lonely bird..

Taught it to fly..

And inspired it to dream again..

Sometimes you felt for the bird..

And wrote those feelings..

In form of those beautiful songs..

An impulse for it  to stay strong.

The bird flew..

Reached the zenith of the sky..

But missed those beautiful errands..

In its every flight..

Of all the things that I want to give you.

Is the gift of words..

Your own words..

Your way of noticing

And saying plainly

Of not moving back to hurt..

Just moving with the flow..

You have offered them to me..

In the form of memories..

I am only giving them back..

In a song which will rhyme till eternity..

NewYear Coffee

Writing today I have a new feeling combined with an energy that the mere change of year column in the date brings in the life. Yes we are in 2016 and 2015 lay peacefully into its grave. The year change never signifies any change in my life but when I take into account the optimistic part of me, I look forward to special things that may

happen. In the last year I was accused of being perfidious when it came to love and in my defense I had only words that were too uncanny for the likes of people who think fidelity comes from staying together till the end. To give a kick start to my year which I think is perhaps the most important year when it comes to shaping my future, I decided to go with the most important thing associated with my life. Your mind will be full of curiosities about the things that I am talking about and to just ruffle up a

bit, it is neither about love for a person nor it is about my past. It is about a thing that acts as an inspiration for the words to flow. Yes for many it may be bar hopping but for me it is café hopping. It has been months since I last wrote something when the aroma of coffee beans were brewing my mind with thoughts, the sips of coffee was adding the atypical thoughts and to add to that tinge of vanilla in my flavor just made it a treat to write, drink and later on read the sumptuous piece of words having a rhythmical cadence to it.

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I sat down on the most comfortable sofa of the café and started to recollect the thoughts that I wanted to write about. To accompany me to the café were my three friends: laptop, camera and to counter my creative blocs was my Kindle. These three things have lately become my escapades to life and my window to dreams, my pillars of a happy life. As usual the trend continued with me going for a king glass of vanilla latte and avoiding the extra shots of cream owing to my New Year resolution of eating healthy and staying fit. I was trying to picture someone probably my inspiration to just start with the flow of words but I was faced with a storm of thoughts that were trying to come out of my mind for months now. Waiting for the storm to abate was not on the list as my funds and time reserved for this unusual date with coffee were limited. I tried to write a few lines but they were not of the level which I expected them to be. As soon as I started to doubt my abilities to come up with something worth writing, I had a guest on the opposite side of the table. Owing to comfort of the couch, a place opposite to a lost soul who was perhaps not interested in the surrounding world was the best place to sit in the café. Without bothering to ask me she sat down and bought out her camera’s memory card and laptop. For a few moments I was gaping at her as if some intruder has just entered my world and is trying to change it according to her liking. But as you know in India looking at a beauty comes with a price tag which can be as expensive as receiving a mouthful of rebukes so I decided to give it a rest. The entry of a foreign influence just abated the storm but my concentration was nowhere near to the usual which I prefer for writing. So I stopped and started to read a novel rather than writing some genius shit which will be hard for me to decipher in the end.

In between my reading I would look at the uninvited guest opposite to the table. She was fair with long hairs, it seemed her twinkling eyes behind the specs were after my pecks and to go with that her cheeks like rose were making her too beautiful to ignore. She was dressed in red sweater and black jeans complimenting her skin’s color and making it look more and more bright. Her lips left an impression on the cup which I presumed to be of vanilla latte and the way she lifted her lock of hairs form her face and tied down to the back was making my heart beat rise. How badly for a moment I wanted to be that cup which she took into her world, embraced it and left a trace so that everyone could be jealous of the relation she had with me. Looking at her hands searching for the ring and to my joy I couldn’t find was the reason for me to strike a conversation with her. Her beautiful face lit by the screen of her laptop and the reflection of her photos one her glasses were enough for me to give all my thoughts a rest and concentrate on her beauty. Her face was flawless, white as a moon with everything in just the perfect position making me thing how beautiful a person can be. Happiness is looking at such a flawlessly pretty face and admiring it with all the adjectives that come in your mind.

With all the strength in the world I tried to get her attention but she was too busy to observe the surrounding disturbances. I gave my every try a halt and started to enjoy the moment with my eyes constantly glued to her. After half an hour she also noticed that I was trying to strike a conversation with her. She ordered one honey oat cookie and looked at me. As soon as her eyes were about the make contact with me, I started to look at the book that I was reading. “I am not that ugly for someone not to look at me” were her first words that I heard. Her sweet voice found the hidden passage to my heart and lost for a few moments, I eventually gave voice to my words, “nobody is ugly, it is just a bit of decency left in me that says never ever try and offend a girl with your eyes.” She asked a simple question stating if a girl wants to get offended with the eyes then what a person like me will do. Thinking for a few moment in silence I answered, I will not offend her with eyes as they fall for anything and everything that is attractive, I will offend that beauty with words as they need to be priced out of me and you already are witnessing the demonstration of it. You are not offending me, you are just giving the compliments in a flurry, said the beauty. The best part of giving compliments is that you always get one back and the loop continues, she was quite impressed with my reply and said she is only looking for a small talk and by convention of it the talk should have already ceased. I said yes and granted her wish of ceasing the small talk and ordered two coffees for the conventional long talk to begin.

IMG_6430We talked about our common hobby of photography and came to know that she teaches at Indian Institute of photography. We exchanged photos instead of number and exif details instead of names. Yes this type of talk is very limited for me as I only discuss photography when I am a bit depressed as it has way to make me feel happy. For the first time in my talks with a stranger there was no sign about my dream of writing best sellers and I chose to ignore the anomaly as both photography and writing are two pillars which have helped me resurrect my life from the worst of phases. The talk continued but it reached a premature end because of the time constraint. As she bid a bye I said, time has always been my enemy and I am killing it since my inception, so you will find me here wasting time on name of satiating the need of wanderlust that I have. She smiled and swiftly moved out without looking back (not in context of Bollywood movies). As my cup reached its end I also picked up all my stuff and started to move out of the café. Came to mind was a strange thought of not knowing the name of the person to whom I talked and I was lost in the thought that I completely ignored the person calling me from behind. He ran and got hold of me to give a discount coupon and yes most importantly a visiting card which he told was left by the girl who left in a hurry for me.

Again something or the other leads to an incident that you forever want to remember. For me these coffee chains have literally turned out to be the stage for the different actors to come and introduce them to me. Yes for me a lot is still happening over the coffee and the caffeine toxication has already gripped my mind in the nascent stage of the NEW YEAR…

P.S. As I say, fictions are all mine and facts are all yours but for a change I will say that I have started to love writing facts rather than fictions…

STRANGERS..AGAIN

The last month of the year December always brings something or the other and makes me think of my journey of life. Today was one such day when I woke up with some unusual feeling characterized by an emotional outbreak. As the day grew old the feelings started to get stronger and were pushing me into an unusual place by adding deeper and deeper shades of darkness. To free my mind of all the biases I decided to take an errand, with a cold wind brushing my face I thought of memories associated with this month. Suddenly to my surprise I could only manage to see a face and thus evincing the magical connection that I had with this day. The memories of pain are still fresh, it was never always about the pain and frankly I couldn’t remember when it was not but surely not always about the pain. She was amazing, my unicorn and a girl I thought existed in dreams. As we moved from one stage to another of the relation, the game of expectations got better of us and we lost it in the midway.

I faintly remember that day after the Christmas celebration when it all happened. Six years back on this very day there was something that was not allowing me to lie down. I was in love or was about to fall in one and thus the reason for all the anxiety. The cake, wine and dinner all were taken care but the feelings in my heart stayed and were trying to find a way out through the words that I was mincing. It was 2am in the night when I received the message from my fairytale’s angel that she has returned from the hospital and was feeling lonely. You all must be wondering where this hospital came from, after the dinner she started vomiting and owing to restrictions of a girl’s hostel I couldn’t accompany her to the hospital. All the time that she spent in the hospital my mind was busy contemplating on my situation and stringing together theories of success and failure of my proposal.

Another message came and she was feeling that nobody loves her and instantly I replied that I love her and reassured her of my presence. Then came perhaps the most beautiful surprise of the night, a message saying I love you too and asking me to remain with her till eternity. Yes technically I had proposed her on simple text message and it was accepted but emotionally those words that I was busy stringing together in a rhyme still lay in my heart and were trying to find a way out. That was the last message exchanged of the night. I remember it was this day of the month when for the maiden time I proposed a beauty and to my utter surprise I was successful at it.

Sometimes in life things happen when you don’t expect them and my story of love was something that proved it right. I still remember our first kiss, the whole aura turned magical when my lips touched hers. Though my eyes were closed but I pictured the expression that we both were having. The warmth of the hug and yes love in its nascent stage was what we were going through. The best part I remember was meeting her and probably thanks to our chemistry teacher who made it impossible for me to copy down the notes so borrowing was the only option left for me. In course of borrowing and returning the copy we became friends and thus started the connection that left a glorious trace on my life. Spending the time with her was perhaps the most beautiful thing. It was pathetic to see guys doing anything to get the right girl and I was no exception. I started to attend lectures and giving up my bike to walk with her all day from one corner to another were few aberrations that happened in my life. From the stage of meeting, we moved on to the chase part and people call it the best part. All I wanted was to talk with her, follow her and wait for her. Every time I saw her there were butterflies in my stomach, she was everything that I could dream of.

After the chase frame we went into the phase where we could express our love to each other and when we completed this stage we had an album of memories together. From the beautiful places we visited to those serene dates with nature, everything was engrossed in our mind and became a 72178_556928984347873_874920998_nsource of our happiness. After the stage of love was over we started to take each other for granted and became complacent in playing our part. The girl who was crazy about me few years ago was the one who lost all the driving forces to be together. On the other hand the boy who once called this girl a dream was dissatisfied but wanted to remain with her. Our relation fell apart and everything came crashing down. There is never a good way to describe a relation which is going through downhill.

We wanted to leave on good mutual terms, if that was ever truly possible. We started on a different path taking us back to the place where we started, STRANGERS. The change was so drastic and blunt that we wanted to get back together immediately but this didn’t happen and distances grew. She moved on and found someone new and thus started the worst part what everyone called suffering. It doesn’t matter whether we get over the past and try to remain friends things will never remain the same. Once in a while she will cross your life again but the burden of the memories will not allow you to live that moment. Our lives will continue on a path leading to a point called STRANGERS AGAIN. Everything we shared has been reduced to fragmented memories. From so long a question if it even really happened?

All that is left is a box of random stuff from a fatal time period when the stranger that I am writing about was the most important person of my life. Those walks are no longer beautiful and those flowers are not blooming with fragrance. The essence of my every errand is missing. Visiting the place where we first met I sit in a corner, I notice a faint me walking past with that jubilant smile. I see a young boy holding hands of a beautiful girl, as I move I see and relive each and every moment spent here….A sudden cry breaks my dream, these moments will never come to sand again…

I think life has separated us, and we will end up in totally different places, I’ll always remember when our paths aligned from the period of time- and I’ll be thankful for that. And hope that, wherever you are, you’ll be thankful too. And I think that’s the best I can wish for if not her.

Only If

Only if you could have seen,
Beyond the horizon..
You would have known what I want.

Only if you could have heard,
Those inaudible whispers..
You would have known what I think.

Only if you could have felt,
The ineffables of love..
You would have known what I feel..

Only if you could have moved,
A little far..
You would have walked with me..
To a place where you and me reside..

Only if you would have moved together,
On the path leading to my dream..
You would have known what I live for..

Only if you would have trusted me..
For all the things I did…
You would have known how beautiful life could be..

You can see, what I see
You can hear, what I hear
You can feel, what I feel
Only if you believe in dreams..
We will meet again..
I will sing those lullabies..
We will walk together..
Only if you will allow me..
To fall in love with you again..

LOVE: As I see it

Lately I have been trying to write something but the words have stopped coming out of my heart thus I find myself amidst a creative block. I have tried numerous things to overcome the block but nothing has achieved the desired results. Travelling is a thing that frees your mind of all the biases that exist in this world, the reason for my short and unplanned trip to Pantnagar; my hometown. The place where I have experienced a phase where my heart beat for a beauty in search of love. Though the futile efforts didn’t lead me to love but the aftermath of it showed me the path leading to it. Basking in the incomplete sighs I found a person whose words just ran through my heart and disturbed those chords of my life whose sound had become vexatious. Not going into the details of the past as it is like a fuel for your present and one must judiciously use it for fueling the glorious days to come. What has triggered me to write something for the person whose existence I have always denied? The answer to this question is simple, a gift that made me feel special on my 24th birthday. Yes when I was celebrating with my friends I was missing the wishes from someone special. Though I received the wishes but still the usual connect was missing. Passed a day I received a call from some unknown number who told me that a courier was waiting for you. It was a cake and without reading the letter attached to it I knew it was her. The trend that started with gift of words has reached a new level and to my happiness I could relive every moment attached to that special someone.

Defining that special someone in words is perhaps the most difficult thing to do. I have tried to define her in the best possible words but till date her attributes have got better of me. Words need to be priced out of her, though I was lucky enough to receive her words in the form of letter which laid the foundation of something special. The thing that I have learned from her charming character is that the most basic yet powerful way to connect to someone is silence. Silence has the potential to overpower the most well intentioned words and in every chat with her the same got exemplified. It all started with a thing called mutual admiration and I faintly remember a letter that I wrote for her but the strange part was that I was not waiting for the reply. And to my surprise on one nippy December morning I received a message of asking me to meet her. With no precognitions biasing my mind I said a yes and thus I can say that this was the beginning of something which at that point of time I couldn’t guessed. She is beautiful and her beauty can leave the best staring at her. Came the evening we met, walked, and exchanged compliments and at last the reply to the letter with a touch of sweetness in the form chocolate. My first gift of words and yes they were nothing short of enticing me to write something that added another para to our ongoing passage. Some say that I was vulnerable due to a recent heart break and thought things from the heart by reconnecting events that were as random as they can get. I wrote a reply to her letter and my beautiful imagery impressed her and made her special. Days were spent waiting for her message and on night the dream of her engrossed my mind. Day and night are one and the same thing, nights make me dream with eyes closed and days with eyes open. Best part is when you try and preserve the dream to eke out a life out of it. Many call it madness but me it as an impetus to meet the beauty of life every day and night.

Days began to be incomplete without her but nights were always beautiful. Those beautiful words to never ending compliments,72178_556928984347873_874920998_n I could sense love in the air brewing out of our heart and mind. The wait for the night was glorified as I expected something special every night and her words would never disappoint. Our walks became frequent and my love for her became more eloquent. My love spilled out of the words that I used to define her, but my words could never suffice. The beautiful songs that I wrote for her can instill emotions in a detached person, so it is obvious that person like me will start to do something out of the ordinary after reading them again. It is impossible to define her in words and thus the reason of me going to rhymes as it adds an altogether a different dimension to someone’s world. Yes I can say I was in love with her but was not sure whether she felt the same. This mere confusion left me in a dilemma that still persist. Hearing her sweet voice is still the thing that I long for and her presence beside me is what I dream of. People call love as an emotion an abstract feeling but for me love has a face. Every time I close my eyes and thing of happiness, a beautiful face comes into my mind. The same face for which I strung together those beautiful rhymes, at times she will walk towards me and pass by with her aroma leaving a glowing trace on me. Without her days are incomplete and the nights serve as the constant reminder of her beauty. The time has played a spoilsport in our relation but still when I sit in peace and look at the moon I can only find a beautiful her comparable to the beauty of night. I remember every word exchanged to those wonderful walks. Yes I want to live them again and till my wish doesn’t come to sand I want to cherish them. She have been the moon all these years…an inspiration, a beauty and the best part of the night.

Night is all about getting lost in the light of the moon that comes through your window. A lost me and deeper shades of night, makes you feel loved and inspire you to dream again. Dream of that beautiful someone who once was the angel of your fairy tale and you find yourself waiting for her or to fall in love with her again. As the night glorifies, the joy of giving words to define that person increases. A hope of a better tomorrow a place where your dreams are standing and coming to sand, you lay peacefully in the arms of your angel, those walks are still beautiful and the words still find a way from your to her soul.

Once in my life, there was an angel..
Her beauty so enchanting..
Aura so divine..
Her eyes deep as an ocean..
A special creation, one of a kind..
And her delightful presence..
Still lingers on my mind..
Silence was her ornament..
Shy was her nature..
So beautiful those days were..
Sun and moon rising in concur..
A friend when I needed..
A companion for every errand..
Her mind so profound..
Turning my world around..
A moment came..
Everything fell apart..
Love was lost in the cruel game..
My dream still entrenched..
But my love was not in the fray..
Where have you gone my lost love..
From those beautiful stories untold..
To the world in which we lived..
Just wish to hold you again..
And get refrained from all the pain..
An alluding cry to you..
My lost love, just remember me..
And smile whenever you think of me..