Confession Of Heart

Twelfth of February, a day when strangeness combined with the loneliness and I found myself striking the keys of the keyboard to fill the room with some sort of cadence to allay that feeling of emptiness that has changed my life upside down. It is that month of the year where you find love brewing out of every corner but somehow my life has no unturned corner left and thus the feeling of emptiness has gripped me. My mind always remains in the practical world and my heart stranded with beauties and their thoughts. They never complement each other, just like two opposite faces of magnet. My heart always gets the better of my mind and Venus being the governing planet, my life has been a journey of falling in and out of love.

What has prompted me to write in this month of love which certainly had an ever lasting impact on me in the past but somehow has lost all its importance? Answer to this question will certainly result in interference of many emotions and my journey in both directions of love. It was very easy for me fall in love every time but that ease of falling in was nowhere to be seen when I discovered the pain of falling out. To recover from that pain, I have always resorted to someone and has resulted in me falling again. My life has always been complex; some have fallen in love with my words and when those words ceased, the phase of falling out started. Once an angel of a fairytale told me to love someone who doesn’t know that you are a master at writing those well intentioned words. Today remembering that beauty and her words brings a smile to my face. I may have ignored her at that point of time but probably she was right, it is the fault of the words that has resulted in the emptiness.

The world will never understand the power of words. My experience with love and hatred has made me experience the might of it. These words can take your heart away, melt it and mold it in a way that you fall in love again. As the strangeness and loneliness has gripped me, I have resorted to these words to break the silence of my life. Just opened the window and fell the evening azure, the breeze just made me remember the most cherished encounter with love. I was in love with her silence, those months when love brewed in my life taught me the power of loving silence. It can overpower any emotion in this world but somehow when my words broke their silence it was again back to a world when words became her preference over me. And now those well intentioned words have stopped coming out and so does the love of her is reaching the natural end.

All this while, I have been in thoughts of someone very different. People say love has a face and even today when I close my eyes I still see her. The phase when I was enjoying my share of love with someone else, her face always existed. She is the one to whom I couldn’t confess, these words built a castle of emotions around her in which she drowned but somehow came to the shore without uttering those words. My words fell short to attract her to my dream filled with emotions of pure love. Even today my words still find her in the core of heart but fail to understand the esoteric relation of life. My dilemma always ends up forming a rhyme and reciting that I have always believed…

What If..

My words find a way..

And tell her that she is the one..

 

What if..

She feels the same emotions..

That I feel..

 

What if..

She was waiting for me to confess,,

With a touch of emotional finesse..

 

What if..

Her heart beats for me..

Like mine beating for her..

 

What if..

She recites the same lullaby..

And her heart and mind rhymes in rhapsody..

 

What if..

She is the way to my dreams..

Breaking the flow of this monotonous stream..

 

What if..

In a parallel universe..

We walk together with every lyrical verse..

 

What If..

This confession compels me..

To write my heart to her..

 

What if..

She denies the feelings..

In which I believe..

Thus bringing an end to that face..

Which has left a beautiful trace..

 

This rise and fall of melody..

The dilemma of what if..

Always finds better of me..

Another try I will give..

My eyes closed, her beautiful face..

These emotions I shall live..

 

NOTE: FICTIONS ARE ALL MINE, FACTS ARE ALL YOURS

The Start

The first month of the New Year is already gone and I am still not over the after effects of the New Year party. Time has always got better of me when it comes to the running part, and as a result I consider it as my enemy and I have been killing it from the inception. We are into the beautiful month of February and the Venus in me suddenly gets that threshold energy required for ignition and go on an over drive mode. The month of February with love not only in the air but also in emotion, infact every possible motion inspired me to write something. Love the most pure emotion and thus February being the purest of month, spreading love and binding hearts. Many people set hopes on the month of February to get someone special or wait for the past to come to sand again. I just close my eyes to get drowned in something too good to be true.

She wanted some peace and I needed some driving force to channel my thoughts into words..
We both met, talked and went to a coffee house. She peacefully sat and drank her coffee and I just captured her beauty in the most well-intentioned words…Her beautiful silence made me dream with open eyes or in others words I looked at her without a wink. After an hour of flirting with emotions, we left but not before presenting her with her words just put together is a song which will rhyme in the tone of music coming from disturbing the most lyrical chords attached to her heart and my words. The writer in me will not limit the meeting to few words, so here it goes.

As I mentioned she wanted some peace and I wanted to drown in the beauty of someone to overcome the creative block that has hindered the flow of words for days. Yes the ingredients of a perfect date were there and thus pushed me to ask her out for a coffee. We have never been very good friends but of late we both found ourselves very close to each other but still that closeness had nothing to do with the usual attraction part. To sum it up, after a gap of almost a year I was accompanied by someone to the place that brings out the best in me.

We took our seat in the most comfortable corner of the café with the sunlight lighting up our table. The winter and sun is a magical combination for people like us, nothing brings more joy than to relax under the sun with cold breeze of winter ruffling up your senses. We had the best place in the house, away from crowd and strong aroma of coffee just adding the missing part to the environment. Accompanying her was a book named Norwegian Wood, looking at the cover of it just brought back all memories associated while reading it. We had a brief discussion on the characters of the book and then she warned me against ruining the suspense of the book (the lighter part of it was that the book had none).

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She had a comely figure but what caught my attention was a saffron tint in her complexion. The eyebrows were crescent in shape and pointed inwards as soon as she caught me staring at her. Those swaying black hairs tumbling over her shoulder were enough for a person like me to get attracted to the beauty. Her lilac soft heart shaped lips and sugary voice were enough for me to get mesmerized by her presence. Adding to that the stain that her lips were leaving on the cup were driving me crazy. For a minute or so I wanted to be that cup so that I can taste those adorable lips.

After about an hour of drawing different pictures and arranging them to form a meaningful sequence I decided to give my thoughts a rest. I laid my head down and with my eyes closed I was trying to evince that connection or conversation with the invisible characters of my life. Seeing me she asked to get up and concentrate on writing the thing that has eluded me for the past 4 years. ‘My love for you exist in dreams so please don’t wake me up’, was my reply and trust me it came right from the sequence that I was dreaming about, it just bypassed my mind and thus came like a sweet riposte. She was surprised with my reply and for a few moments she was searching for words. After a long pause she said, ‘so your dreams are ought to be beautiful but reality will always lack as me and you, always in your dreams’.

Hearing her reply, my world in nascent stage came crashing down and as I say if you don’t have a girl you deserve a coffee. Coffee came to my rescue and I again turned my writing mode on so that I could come up with something that may act as a gift for her.

I dreamed.. She conquered..

I loved… She denied..

All this time, I wrote..

And She read..

In between those moments..

My dream came to sand..

Those flowing hair..

To that comely figure..

Cheeks like rose..

With perfection in her every pose..

As soon as I was closer to her..

The dream came to an end..

Probably creating a stir..

Writing this epistle,

I can picture her face..

My heart has remained still,

Lost in that beautiful trace..

 

And after fifteen minutes of my tussle with words, I came up with something and not disturbing her while she was reading, I left the place leaving the above rhyme for her to read. Not expecting anything from her I went home but sometimes the less you expect the more you get…

P.S. Mark this incident as complete… Writing further about what happened can only yield those biased words that I have reserved only for her…

Roses and Thorns

So again it is the most sought out week for the lovers and for a person like me some food for thought to ponder upon. Sometimes the beeping of the phone reminds you of the glorious days when this week used to have some sort of importance in your life. But the heights are reached when a beautiful someone is replaced by irritating notifications of candy crush. Love in me always finds a way out in some or the other form and recently it took me to some other world where I was with the angel of my fairy living all wishes that I ever had. People call me a master in expressing my heart out but when it comes to the beauty for whom your heart beats, it becomes all the more difficult to give words to the feelings. Without wasting any precious words I must get cracking in writing about that world which has made me meet my beauty in some parallel universe.

The story in the parallel universe has already taken an interesting turn. I have already seen a beautiful beginning with her but I didn’t want to see the end as nothing in this world is more beautiful than her. Ending that ongoing trend would have passed my beauty into nothingness and I cannot prove Mr. Keats wrong. She was like my escapades to life and my windows to dream. With a hope of meeting her at the cross roads again and her ever charming face in my mind I moved along. There was something that made me believe that this is not the end of the road and some day there will be a moment when we will talk away to glory and those beautiful walks will come to sand again.

My belief and hope came true and we met again but things were not the same. She again asked me that what I feel for her. With prior experience of a broken heart in my previous attempt to live happily with a beauty, I chose to limit my words. Smiling at her question I replied, “Your beauty is rare or one of a kind and labeling it as mine is not my intention, I forever want to be that admirer who will make you remember the attributes that you have.” Dumbstruck with my reply she was silent for a few moments and that loving silence made me question my decision of letting her go. But as soon as I started to doubt my decision she came with perhaps the most fitting reply which I was not expecting. She said, “My beauty is like a rose, I want you to be the thorns surrounding the rose and protect me from every admirer that comes my way as I want to get admired by someone who values my words, loves my silence and makes me feel special with his words. Will you do that?” The sky had fallen on me and looking into her deep eyes I could hardly mew a word but strength from an unknown source helped me give words to my emotions and I said yes with a smile. The whole coffee shop was watching both of us but we both were so lost in the emotions surrounding us that we felt as if world has stopped to witness perhaps the most captivating moment. We both were looking in each other’s eyes and were talking without words. We both knew that we will not be together as we wanted to be but still an esoteric relation will continue forever and the trace left will be followed by many and will glorify with every passing minute.

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The relation of roses and thorns between two people who once saw a world together. But as you know when the rose gets plucked, the thorns get separated from the rose and wait for the season where they can again have a rose to protect. Life moves on and you meet new people, some impress you while some admire you but there are some who take your heart away and in return becomes a part of you. She will forever be the reason of having rose as my favorite flower and smiling while walking amidst the gentle breeze. One day we will again meet at the top of the world and will see the glorious trace left behind and share those beautiful moments again. Till then I will live my dream to bring out the best in me.

P.S. A part of it is also a part of another blog..

 

 

 

Dreamy phase

So finally an induced aberration of staying away from the thing that has always been my constant source of joy has no longer the power to tie my wings of imagination. Lately I have been going through a lot and things have become tough. Not going into details of my struggle as the usual grind of an MBA is what I am talking about. Last night I was lying on the bed and trying to sleep a bit early than usual in order to give the early morning class a try. But with high concentration of caffeine in my blood owing to my addiction of coffee didn’t allow me to achieve the same. This mere incident has inspired me to end the exile and again evince that esoteric relation between my words and someone’s smile. No prizes for guessing as it is the beauties who have a strangled hold on my words and my emotions.

72178_556928984347873_874920998_nArticulating it further, consider yourself in dire straits with all the doors closed. After struggling to find the key, you lose all hopes of survival but then you realize the key was there with you, just waiting to be picked. Such is life sometimes simple and at times full of puzzles. Though my articulation is not in concord with the above para and I am certainly hiding the missing link intentionally to just take the curiosity to another level. Probably it was not because coffee but because of a beautiful girl who has got hold of my imagination, that I couldn’t sleep. To understand this beautiful link we must go back 15 days when a simple message from a person or you can say a good friend just stirred my world and since then I am just loving the swirls. She is addictive in nature just like my expresso but the irony is that the refill is not free, you need to earn her words and some people call it hints. We talked for around 15 minutes but there was something special about those 15 minutes that have not allowed me to lie down in reality as dreaming of her has become a necessity. Days and nights are one and the same thing, nights make us dream with eyes closed and days with eyes open… Best part is when you try and preserve the dream to eke out a life out of it. Some call it madness but for me it is an impetus that keeps me driving and instills in me an urge to move that extra mile to turn my dream into reality.  I have known her for years but I was always as voiceless as a surd to tell her that she is beautiful. But the things were not the same and I took the opportunity and told her that she is beauty personified and with her every word the same gets exemplified (and for a change it rhymed). The trend continued and I got addicted to her voice and her helpful gesture of waking me up from the world of dreams.

Moving ahead and writing my heart out, I could sense her presence and it seems that I am reciting my life’s most beautiful passage to the most beautiful person I have ever met. In between I can hear those inaudible whispers that keeps me driving. She always talks about the hints that she will give but I know I am too naïve to understand those and my reason to come up with something for her. Yesterday was strange and I thought of not burdening her with waking up call but as soon as I lied down I couldn’t sleep and my heart started to rhyme. After completing the rhyme, dropped her a message and asked for the favor again. That point of time I realized that she has definitely become an important part of me. And someone who can wake me up from dreams, ought to be special and so is she. In my life she is like the sun, every day she will rise, reach the peak and set. In between the rise and set she imparts an inexplicable happiness. It’s a fact that sun rises every day and so does she. As the night grows dark, the joy of writing increases. I close my eyes to trigger the thought process but to my amazement I see an angel face. She drowns me in her beauty and takes me to a place where I belong. She is like the moon shining brightly despite the darkness and thus becoming the best part of the night.

I am enjoying this beautiful phase of a dream and I promise will always cherish it. Yes the coffee date is definitely on and adding a bit of ice cream to it will definitely add to the missing link. And yes if I talk of rhyme, I definitely write one

Someone told me there’s a girl out there..

With beautiful eyes and those flowing hairs..

I went to the place to find her..

I struggled, as there was no one to usher..

I looked for her at every beautiful place..

All I got was her beautiful trace…

I moved along and looked for her..

All I created in my mind was a stir..

Giving a try for many a day…

I was thinking of giving it a stay..

Then I saw her by the river..

Feelings of love started to trigger…

And soon as I came close…she went away..

But the beauty of her, still stay..

I looked for her in the footsteps of dawn..

Trying to find someone, never born…

Giving up the hope, I went back..

With the only glimpse in my memory’s stack..

Thinking of her, I went to bed..

Upon the pillow I laid my head..

I dreamed of her in my every sleep.. Happiness inside, made me weep..

I can sense her in the world surrounding me..

And I knew my dream was to be..

Then I met you, the charming face…

All it filled me with, was drops of grace..

My angel is you…my dream is you.

Now I believe, dreams do come true..

I looked for you in every sphere..

Not finding you was my fear…

Now I dream of you and you dream of me..

We will remain together in future to be..

Disclaimer: Facts are all yours and fictions are all mine…:P

COFFEE DATE contd.

It is been a month since my hands produced the sound that breaks the silence of the night and the emptiness of the morning. No I am not talking about the guitar as it is still in my wish-list and life is no e-commerce website where wish-lists materialize when you have a heavy discount levied upon them. I am talking about the cracking sound of the keyboard that comes complementary when my heart evinces a connection with my hands and results in me typing those beautiful words. What is special today that has made me to come up with something? The day marks the 5th anniversary of my blogging and in course I have learnt many things that have helped me rise to a new level. I want to thank that person who inspired me to come up with a blog, though that person has departed from the life after playing the part destined for her but once in a blue moon I miss her and her contribution to my life. Before my moon again turns blue I must focus my attention and get back to the main agenda. The past month was aberrant and I was finding solace in the black words written on reference books. I was busy finding the next level of my global senses to score heavily in global subjects. Yes the exams have the power to break all the rhymes of the writer. After suffering a bit at the hands of the exams, I was back to square one, Pantnagar with one of my foot in the manager’s boat and other trying to follow the same. Yes after a bumpy ride for a year, I have become a half manager. Pantnagar has again drowned me in its beauty and photographing it brings a smile to my face. Photography has the power to wake me up at 5 in the morning to capture beauty rare in its existence.

Beauties have always a way to my heart and as soon as I come here, my dormant connections with beauties come to surface again. On 26th of March when whole country was busy witnessing a drubbing of cricket team at the hands of Australia, I was utilizing my time to coffee date a coffee lover who unlike the previous time stuck to the standard of having coffee. Café de Elantre was the place that witnessed its first coffee date. The ambience inside the hall was pleasing but the aura of a café was missing. The absence of diffused smell of coffee was the first setback. The seating was comfortable but the tables lacked height and thus made it a bit clumsy. Enough of the review as I don’t write these, until I get paid. The girl by my side is beautiful and adding to her beauty was the constant smile which was result of my jokes that can make a person hate me as well. Moving ahead of cool blue and ice with fizz, she went with the cold coffee and I with my usual espresso shot. My second setback was the quantity of the shot and the size of the mug used for it. The day of setbacks was what it seemed but having her by my side was like eating away every setback. Café was also drowned in the world-cup fever and with every Indian wicket the expression on her face changed in a jiffy. Seeing India lose in a café sitting comfortably with hot sips of coffee was making me feel that we were enjoying the loss, so we decided to given another round of coffee a miss and decided to enjoy the drive.

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The drive was the most beautiful part of the day and getting glimpses of her while driving was the best part of it. In between those glimpses were our candid chats that started with guava having red color. She apparently hated the camouflaged version which was a stark contrast when compared to me. I told her what it is like to have a beauty beside you while driving and the positive cognitions that passing vehicles can draw of me. My words were making her laugh and the complaint of previous meeting was gleefully resolved. After all I don’t like the beauties to complain as they are the best part of my life. After running out of topics we focused on clicking selfies to save the memoirs of our beautiful day together. And again I discovered how pathetic I am at clicking them. After managing to capture both of us in a single frame, the next task was to add the emotions part to it. My expression in each and every selfie can best described as naïve and it reiterated the fact that clicking selfies is something that has an iota to it and my mind doesn’t deal with complex numbers.

The date ended and we both were back to our home and before giving words to my feelings I remembered an incident that left me smiling. One day a girl asked me how is your life? After sipping my hot coffee I replied, my life is like a coffee, a beauty came and took away the creamer and another came and made it stronger; now I find myself as bitter yet addictive. Not to mention thatthese were the only few words we exchanged for over a month and my humour sealed the mouth of a girl with in itself is rare. When we met again she said, please let me be your creamer or allow me to make your coffee stronger, as stronger the addiction better is the bond. This is a small gist of how coffee toxication can take a toll on your conversations. Writing in the footsteps of the dawn has its charm and in doing so my mind has started to rhyme and my heart has started to sing a lullaby. It is best these words should find a way out and poem should reach the readers.

inspiring morning

inspiring morning

A dark dome of night..
To a glorious sun lighting us all..
Inbetween this a moment passes..
When the rays of light sneak inside in traces..
Peeking in from the window..
Waking you up to feel the transition..
You get mesmerized by a beautiful sensation..
You step up in a world which is magical..
With your mind lost in something surreal.
Your heart rhyming and sounding lyrical..
And your hands itching to do something fanatical..
feeling the morning azure..
You see a world so pure..
Getting hold of a pen to write..
And those feelings that you want to indite..
A sudden breeze brushes your face..
Instills life on a face so naive…
Emotions finding a way out..
In a best way to say out loud..
Yes the beauty of nature makes you a writer..
And you move ahead writing at every juncture.
Countering your frustrations..
With all the vivid thoughts…
Evincing the rhyme between you and the lord..

Diclaimer- Fictions are all mine and facts are all yours. Drawing real world conclusions will only result in wasting your time and adding an ache to your head. The coffee series will be continued….

The Rhyme of Life (Collection of poems)

Yesterday I received my first fan mail and apart from praising my efforts, the fan wanted to read the story of my love in the form of a poem. Luckily I had my diary still in place and I could type all that in a single go. These mails are very rare for people like me as the materialistic nature of the world has changed the complexion of the word success. So in an effort to not to disappoint my friend, here is a collection that aptly describes that rare beauty.

It always starts with dreaming of a girl and it was no different in my case too. I always wondered about the existence of the girl that I dream off. You call it an infatuation or something else but still at one point of time my love was intangible and it was with my dream.

As I return from the land of dreams,

I think of beauty in every possible stream.

Went outside and felt the morning azure,

Whether I will find a beauty, I wasn’t sure.

Looking for a beauty, in a fairy tale..

The admirer in me will never fail…

I think of a special face,

And find it in every possible place.

Then came you, with a distinct style,

The thing that struck me was your smile.

My heart was filled with drops of grace,

I knew it was from you, the angel face.

Your attire so flawless in craft,

Made me an admirer of this art.

Some may say I was turning mad..

But all I knew that nothing can make me sad.

You are one of the sweetest soul,

We will share a relation, permanent as a mole.

I heard your voice which made me leap,

Happiness inside, was making me weep.

U are so amiable and caring..

Talking to you my mind can’t stop swirling.

Thinking of you in the sands of time,

All I can up with is an unbreakable rhyme.

Blessed with such beautiful eyes…

That no one can ever surmise.

Hands so soft, cheeks like rose,

Best part is that you never pose.

Aura surrounding you is magical,

And everything in you is wonderful.

All these facts accrue…

You are beautiful, it’s true…

After those beautiful dreams you start to doubt whether the beauty of your dreams still exist or not and then a sudden realization makes you remember the immortal nature of the beauty. This esoteric nature of beauty inspires you to give another try and thus meeting her. This is the first step towards a beautiful beginning.

Someone told me there’s a girl out there..

With beautiful eyes and those flowing hairs..

I went to the place to find her..

I struggled, as there was no one to usher..

I looked for her at every beautiful place..

All I got was her beautiful trace…

I moved along and looked for her..

All I created in my mind was a stir..

Giving a try for many a day…

I was thinking of giving it a stay..

Then I saw her by the river..

Feelings of love started to trigger…

And soon as I came close…she went away..

But the beauty of her, still stay..

I looked for her in the footsteps of dawn..

Trying to find someone, never born…

Giving up the hope, I went back..

With the only glimpse in my memory’s stack..

Thinking of her, I went to bed..

Upon the pillow I laid my head..

I dreamed of her in my every sleep..

Happiness inside, made me weep..

I can sense her in the world surrounding me..

And I knew my dream was to be..

Then I met you, the charming face…

All it filled me with, was drops of grace..

My angel is you…my dream is you.

Now I believe, dreams do come true..

I looked for you in every sphere..

Not finding you was my fear…

Now I dream of you and you dream of me..

We will remain together in future to be..

After meeting your beauty, you hear the sound of violin in backdrop and thus making you all the more nervous to approach her. Infinite times you try and try and give indications but the convention of a boy speaking it takes a toll on your every effort. The below poem describes the dilemma that I found myself in and trust me this the most interesting phase of loving a person as there is a hidden pleasure in loving someone who doesn’t know your feelings.

Beautiful you are…humble you are..

The irony is that you live so far..

We are connected with words..

And have seen together a beautiful world.

Hearing the chirping of beautiful birds..

Reminds me of a sweet voice, once I heard..

Birds reminds of the letter which once I received..

And the feelings so pure, in which I believe…

I think of sending a message to your place…

Birds the carrier, find it easy as you leave a beautiful trace..

The message of truth…

The message of worth…

The message uniting our worlds..

Is what I want to send you..

As I want to eliminate everything obscuring our view..

The feeling that I want to convey to you..

The emotions that I want in to accrue..

Results in me, gasping for words…

But there is something in my heart that pushes me forward…

Thousands thoughts my mind berserk..

And now I know, I am such a jerk.

In between all this, birds flew away..

The message in the heart, still stay..

One day I will try again..

One day I will write again..

That day I will send u the message..

And make sure it will add another para to our beautiful passage..

Till then I will say, just wait for me..

As you still have to see the best of me..

After your countless tries, the moment comes when you start to give words to the purest of emotions. Though not easy but still the heart makes each and every effort to please you and come up with something that can strike a beautiful connection with heart of the reader. Yes the proposal and yes it is different from proposal writing that you do in MBA.

As the wind ushers past my face…

Touching my life’s every possible space..

Went outside to feel the morning azure..

Drowned in the thoughts of beauty, so pure…

Thinking of her, my heart flew..

I think of you, I dream of you..

Thinking of the past, things were tough..

The act of betrayal, the time was rough..

One day an angel came…

With all the happiness and gave me some..

Dumbstruck by her beauty, I cannot mew..

And now I say…I think of you, I dream of you..

The past was blown away…

Memories no longer stay..

Such was the power of your conciliation.

And I found myself in a different situation..

You have always given me happiness in lieu..

I think of you, I dream of you..

You have gotten hold on my imagination..

My heart is filled with elation..

Someday I will follow the beautiful trace..

Thinking of you, the angel face..

I wake up in senses completely blue..

As I think of you, I dream of you..

You made me dream again..

You made me live again..

You bought back the smile amidst all the pain..

And now I know we will meet again..

From morning till night, my thoughts accrue..

I think of you, I dream of you.. And I say I LOVE YOU

Though love is a very pure and rare gift, but today’s youth has made love a commercial commodity and a synonym to mutual funds that you buy for your benefit. Patch ups, break ups have become a status symbol and the true essence of love has been lost. Yes I am talking about the heart break and perhaps the other side of this beautiful emotion. This side of love is fatal and can lead you to limbo where your life passes into nothingness.

I dreamed of a beautiful tomorrow..

Away from all the pain and sorrow..

My dream was too good to be true..

So it’s the pain that all accrue..

I dreamed of you, you dreamed of me..

How beautiful our life was to be..

You came one day and asked for freedom..

I faced the emptiness and pain both in tandem..

The pain was such, which made me cry…

But for the sake of you, I gave it another try..

Selflessly killed the self inside me..

Thinking God will guide me to the future to be..

With all the pain I tried to impart smile on you..

I never knew u already have seen something new..

My world came crashing down…

I fell for that illusive crown…

Amidst all the pain there was a thought..

That you’ll love me irrespective of every odd..

Perhaps my love was not that strong..

And I expected more as we move along..

Once you danced with my angels…

The sound of you silence problems coming from every angle..

Once I was your little ferret…

And we shared a love pure as 24 karat..

I have no reason to live for…

As my life, my love has moved to a place that is far..

When you fall in love for the first time, you cannot get that person out of your life for the rest of your life. You can never do that! You may learn to love again, move-on, or find a new life partner but the memories of your first love always remain, no matter how hard you try to get them away. The nostalgia grips you and you try to beat it by every possible mean. These memories can never cease as your love was a part of you and losing it was not in your nearest of view.

there was a time..

amidst this unstoppable rhyme..

when we walked hand in hand..

and those flowery beds fell on sand..

there was a world..

which had love with numerous swirls..

words left unsaid, and feelings untouched..

moving together, we made a beautiful trace as such…

there was a dream…

that gave us happiness in every stream..

carrying that happiness we moved along..

to a place of ours, to which we belong..

there was a friend..

whom I loved, with no end..

I hoped to carry her all my life..

but what got better of me was that bitter strife..

there was a life..

there was a world..

there was a dream..

there was a friend..

accruing all I have become a lover…

who speaks words that his heart utter…

I look for her in the rainbow, beyond the horizon..

as my love had everything and was an emblazon…

there is a pain…

and so is the reason for all the refrain..

life will move on and we both will get everything new…

but these memories will give a smile in lieu…

all’s that left is an afterglow…

for those beautiful memories to flow..

we will meet again, when we both will be  cat and dogs…

till then I will continue to write these beautiful blogs..

There will be a time when you mind will freeze and heart will ache and you’ll long for that sweet voice which silenced all the daemons inside you. You will follow the lines that charity begins at home and will give her the forgiveness. Sometimes just the voice of a friend soothes your mind and relaxes your anxieties. You smile as if there is no tomorrow and talk as if there is no end. The problems that were not allowing you to lie down are left behind and you smile at them thinking about the undeserved value they got. Life becomes beautiful again and to your past (problems) you say YOU WERE NOT WORTH IT.

One day I will meet u again..

One day I will ask u again..

One day we will talk again..

One day you will see me again.

One day I will see u again..

But what will remain, will be a refrain..

The consciousness, when i regain..

I will not look up and think of you again..

You were a part of me…

And perhaps the most beautiful thing to be…

I lost you, you went away…

And in the course, I lost the way..

Today I realize, you lied to me..

But your tears I don’t want to see..

the forgiveness, you don’t deserve..

but life is beautiful, I have that love in reserve…

the biggest gift I can give is to forgive..

move away from your life and let you live..

we lost it in the course of time..

now I am breaking this profound rhyme…

one day you will turn around..

and see the things that have come to ground..

I will play hide and seek with you..

Because my love is limited for only a few..

you don’t need my love, i know it..

But someday you’ll understand my bit…

happiness is what I dreamed off..

but now I feel that I am shrugged off..

live moves on as pendulum swings..

I will come back, when the pain will stop to sting..

from your life, I may have signed off..

but you will feel the void when you’ll have no one to think of..

After your entire struggle you try and move to a different path but still emptiness, a void remains in your life. Though the beauty of the memories holds no meanings in your life but still you think of that beauty and try and relive the moments. I relive them by fighting the pain and writing it down by giving it the most beautiful words. I am not a writer but I am still writing….

Thinking beyond the ordinary..

with a gentle wind brushing past my face..

those countless moments of anguish..

those beautiful memories of love..

A storm of thoughts they trigger..

A question that still lingers.

Facing the things that meant the world to me..

but are not in the future to be..

Every morning that I step in..

To a never ending night…

A continuous fight with an emptiness of sorts.

A constant feeling that never stops..

Life of a puppet..

is what I call mine..

emotionally strangled is me..

but with a hope to change everything with an accuracy of a dime..

penning it all down..

the memories in which I drown..

And I say I am not a fighter..

but I am still fighting..

I am not a writer…

But I am still writing…

The dream of that beautiful someone who brings a smile to your face, makes you refuse to come back to reality in the morning. If by chance you don’t meet that person in your dream, wait for the the pacifying night and lie down amidst the stars, you will definitely find that person very close to you. The fact is sometimes you wish your dream may never end and other times the wait for the night glorifies. I hope I have not disappointed my fan….(please ignore the mistakes as cold weather has made me lazy and compelled me to post without the proof read)

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Are you STILL single? (The importance of still)

The break is finally over and I am back to the red bricked structure and to the south of my home town. Few of the previous pieces have given way to unidirectional thoughts and have been an inspiration for becoming regular at my work. I am obsessed with GAME OF THRONES and that is duly reflected in my work. Coming to the south when winter is coming has got nothing to deal with the iron throne but with that crown that every MBA graduate dreams of. Sometimes I feel that this MBA is not made for people like me and I was better served for doing freelancing rather than giving structure to the rarest sense i.e. common sense.

My life has become complicated and it is difficult to give words or to define it in any language. Though my Facebook status reads as single as going against the tide is the new cool and challenging the concept of sharing is my way of doing it. A facebookholic is me and writing status is my way out when I feel depressed. For some these statuses are helpful and for others they may seem long posts that need to be ignored. I interact with many types of people and they ask me many types of questions. Some questions serve as an inspiration to improve further and some find a way to escape my mind and come out us a blog. Yesterday I was struck with a similar question and my mind has not returned to normal since that question found a way out of my friend.

Before going any further with my though process I would like to throw some light on the recent issues and when I say some light it means the whole of it. Time is strange and a glass of long island ice tea is making short work of people…Adding a long island to the ice and tea can change the whole game. People get hit sensually and thinking of the satire in getting hit I get hit physically. Finding a cab has become difficult in Delhi and has resulted in boom in the business of auto drivers, atleast they can proudly say ACHE DIN AA GYE HAI. So somewhere our PM has delivered though unintentionally. My firm belief is that he will deliver but the question is; are the people ready for it? Politics is the only thing that never inspires me as cleanliness is next to godliness and being an atheist the former is of prime importance. Finally the smart phones have a camera with decent pixels but people use Instagram to blur the photos. Clicking photos has become more or less a habit for every gen-Y person and is collectively termed as selfie fever. Sometimes I feel that there is no use of the back camera as what counts is the front one. I think today’s world is so obsessed of taking these selfies that time is not far when you will see people holding phones just for clicking selfies. Being a photographer myself it hurts to see the art taking a wrong turn and people trending it by adding a hash-tag before every post. But I don’t care as people who trend it accuse me of becoming a photographer after buying a DSLR and their compliment starts with praising the camera which literally belittles my hard-work that I did in understanding this complex machine. I have a DSLR and yes I am photographer who believes in capturing poem without words rather than capturing some stupid artificial expressions. A photograph that one has taken of oneself is acceptable, but posting a new picture of oneself every day isn’t necessary.

The world is going through a rough time and the above paragraph is only what I can think of. We were discussing about questions that a person faces in life. The question that bothers me the most is, are you still single? The whole complexion of the question is changed by a single word. If you ask me, are you single? The answer is definitely a yes but the word still leaves me in a dilemma of finding a single word to define my feelings. If I say yes then my effort to please a beauty for 4 years will be interred with my answer and a no will add to the pain that I went through in those 4 years. Now I can understand those HT polls that have can’t say as an answer and I can definitely say that it serves me the best in this case. These beauties and the theories surrounding them have made a permanent place in my heart and are conspiring against my mind so that they can get hold of my life. Once I allowed a beauty to become a part of me and in return she took away the most beautiful part of me. Answering the question with an affirmative will bring disgrace to that most beautiful part of me which is dearly missed. The day she left with the most cherished part of me, my search is on for someone who can lend me the most cherished part of her and incourse complete me. This completion will take a long time as it takes a beautiful mind and a large heart to gift someone what I gifted my beauty in return of all the pain.

This question bought to surface the hidden pain that I have been hiding all these days. But the bigger truth is that I am still not at peace with the question that had taken me back to the bumpy ride into the past. Every cloud has a silver-lining and for me that lining is when I spend my time roaming around outer and inner circles of CP with my camera and a bunch of maniacs. For me happiness is when I am with my friends moving ahead with no worries and on the way clicking pictures to make them a beautiful memory. This camera of mine has seen it all; it has captured the most beautiful moment to the gloomiest ones but has stayed strong. My passion of writing and photography has always helped me to find the shore in this deep ocean. To sum it all, I will write my dilemma in the form of a rhyme.

Thinking beyond the ordinary..
With a gentle wind brushing past my face..
Those countless moments of anguish..
Those beautiful memories of love..
A storm of thoughts they trigger..
A question that still lingers.
Facing the things that meant the world to me..
But are not in the future to be..
From every morning that I step in..
To a never ending night…
A continuous fight with an emptiness of sorts.
A constant feeling that never stops..
Life of a puppet..
Is what I call mine..
Emotionally strangled is me..
But with a hope to change everything with an accuracy of a dime..
Penning it all down..
The memories in which I drown..
And I say, I am not a fighter..
But I am still fighting..
I am not a writer…
But I am still writing…