The Story Of Fall

“Reading a lot lately the stories of mills and boons and then I came across to your piece ‘TRUE LOVE + WE’. Reading it I had goosebumps and after finishing it I can definitely say your work is comparable to what I am reading. I haven’t heard about your writer side as the image of you is of a little studious boy who used to run away from girls at school.”  I don’t exactly remember the date but it was in the fall of 2013 when your above feedback just helped me grow as writer. My immediate reaction to your comment was, Thank God! Someone has read it and I jumped in the air out of exuberance that your beautiful words bought. Your words fueled my world of dreams with imagination on one hand and inspiration on the other. As you know Arushi, this was our first interaction and it perhaps began on the perfect note. You remember how quickly I replied to your comment and out of anxiety I dropped you a personal message. I was very lucky that day as you replied instantly and thus started something that acted as a catalyst in transforming my life.

This was the time when mobile internet was mainly of 2g and conversing on facebook was quite cumbersome. At times I had to wait for around 5 minutes for your reply, so in order to get this thing away I asked for your phone number and I had to wait for around 10 minutes for your reply. Yes I got the number and it was not for adding you on whatsapp but to drop a sms which lately have almost become extinct. Before dropping you the message I just checked profile on facebook as I couldn’t recall exactly how you looked or what connection you had with me. Your first picture just set the tone for the things to come, and indeed you are beautiful. I dropped you a message late at night and to be frank I was not expecting a reply. But as the day had panned out for me your reply came and we started chatting about random stuffs. You knew about my friends, brother and my exploits in school which you clearly mentioned in your comment as well. Yes Arushi, I remember that small confusion that you had of confusing my best friend with my brother. And when I told you the name of my brother, you were like the topper, IItian and what not.

Deeper shades of night got better of the conversation and I sensed that you dozed off at around 2am. I dropped a goodnight message that had few lines written for you and asked you to consider it as a token for your effort to go through my blog. The time was rough for me, I was coming out of a relation that lasted four years and had ended on the sorest note possible. You will know better than me about the attraction that I felt for you. In no time we were connected through messages almost the better part of the day. Those compliments given in a flurry were the best part. One night in that eventful fall I was missing you and constantly messaging you but with no replies. The night just worded my thoughts into a poem and I dropped it in your inbox. I was eager to get the feedback but was also wondering where it would take me in the journey towards attracting you to my world of dreams where words were making those sweet lullabies for you. Arushi, you loved the poem and waiting no further I admitted that I liked you and was platonically attracted towards you. You said I was in a haste and must take my time before drawing any steps further and I must admit it was like a setback. I decided not to force the issue further and messaged you an apology with message stating that I was leaving for Banaras.

If I were to say that it all started in Banaras then I will not be wrong. Spending the night at the banks of river Ganges with the breeze brushing past my face I could picture you sitting with me and talking away to glory. Yes I have always loved the way you called my name with all the exuberance, and today while writing about it I can hear your voice and not to mention, just loving it. “I miss you and our chats”, the message I received on the second day of my trip is something that I can recall word by word. I shared each and every detail of the errands with you and sent you pictures of places I visited. There was a sense of joy inside me which was just asking me to everything that required to get that smile on your face. You may not recall the details but for me those moments meant a world to me.

Yes you would call me in the evening and the way you called my name (AVI) was something that became the best part of the day. We somehow developed an understanding and when I went to my first job you were a constant support. I had told you many number of times that you are beautiful and my habit of speaking words from the heart gave way to the proposal on the Valentine’s Day. Yes I know you asked me a question, how would I propose a girl? And when I finished speaking you said yes. The long exile of not able to get those beautiful talks in person came to sand when I decided to join MBA and returned home. I chose a fancy Indian restaurant for the meeting but knowing you I knew that you wouldn’t like the sophistication and the very reason I suggested to move somewhere else. No jokes about my red helmet, the message which got delivered late because of the network and you felt bad because you already did the same that was not required of you.

The bike ride seemed the thing that interested you and so we did go on one and that too towards the hills. To define you I may be short of words but your expressive face which I saw through the rearview mirror was driving me crazy. In between you would lay your hands on me and I felt the warmth of your body which provided an adrenaline rush. After the breeze became cold, you grasped me from behind and came very near to me, I felt your breath on me and just wanted the time to stop on this beautiful juncture. Soon we entered the road going above Bhimtal (Hill station in North India) and then you signaled me to stop for a while. We moved towards a beautiful path, desolate and silent…The path grown with weeds and flowers beds buried under the thorn jungle. I took your hand and landed a kiss on it and to my amazement you didn’t protest. As the sun was setting so was the distance between us. I could still picture how the beautiful you were lighted by the rays of setting sun which just added to your beauty. You came infront of me and with the expressions I could tell that you were asking me to take the first move. I took you in my arms and wrapped your comely body with my hands. Then came the moment which made me believe that dreams do come true. Yes I will never forget the way I tasted you lilac soft, heart shaped lips and how beautiful that moment was when we both didn’t want to end that divine moment. I was nearest to the beauty of my life and how desperately I wanted to lay peacefully in your arms. But as we know all good things come to an end, the sound of people approaching towards us just abated the surreal moment.

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Yes I know this was probably our only meeting that was worth defining but still the bond only got stronger with time. I left for Dubai and you wished we luck, we were connected by various means provided by internet. Dubai chapter came to an abrupt end and to my surprise you too started to maintain a bit of distance from me. Clueless was me but still I didn’t gave up hope of being together. I returned from Dubai and noticed that you have completely forgotten me, and with a dilemma I made a call on your number. With all the emotions you called my name but as we were reaching the end of the conversation you asked for your freedom. I was surprised by your decision of letting something very precious move away from your life and such is my nature, I never protested. Vowed to remain together as friends but still I knew the memories of those glorious days will keep echoing in my heart.

As of today I stand blocked from all forms of communication related to you. Some people say love has a face and whenever I close my eyes I could a picture a girl who I met only once but her trace just lit up my world in the most beautiful way possible. I have more questions than answers but smiling at those question or confusions is something that life has taught me. All that is left is a box of random stuff from a fatal time period when the stranger that I am writing about was the most important person of my life. Those walks are no longer beautiful and those flowers are not blooming with fragrance. The essence of my every errand is missing. Visiting the place where we first met I sit in a corner, I notice a faint me walking past with that jubilant smile. I see a young boy holding hands of a beautiful girl, as I move I see and relive each and every moment spent here….A sudden cry breaks my dream, these moments will never come to sand again…

I think life has separated us, and we will end up in totally different places, I’ll always remember when our paths aligned from the period of time- and I’ll be thankful for that. And hope that, wherever you are, you’ll be thankful too. And I think that’s the best I can wish for if not her.

Disclaimer: This piece of fiction has a close association with one of my friends but still not the entire truth.72178_556928984347873_874920998_n

 

 

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An epiphany

Of all the reasons I miss you..

Here is one..

The love, affection and joy..

You bought were second to none..

I was a chained bird..

Dreaming of the sky..

Trapped in the terminal of people..

Ignoring it…

Leaving it alone..

Waiting for it to reach its inevitable end.

It must have made you terribly sad..

The freedom of that bird..

Was the only thing that you heard..

All you did..

Understood that lonely bird..

Taught it to fly..

And inspired it to dream again..

Sometimes you felt for the bird..

And wrote those feelings..

In form of those beautiful songs..

An impulse for it  to stay strong.

The bird flew..

Reached the zenith of the sky..

But missed those beautiful errands..

In its every flight..

Of all the things that I want to give you.

Is the gift of words..

Your own words..

Your way of noticing

And saying plainly

Of not moving back to hurt..

Just moving with the flow..

You have offered them to me..

In the form of memories..

I am only giving them back..

In a song which will rhyme till eternity..

A beautiful memory

A momentary break in the flow of words and an aberrant stopping of the thought process accrue that I am a student again. MBA can bring out the best in you but the hectic nature can take away the same from you. Though it is not a fault of the MBA, it will go under the education system that on the name of exams test one’s knowledge and try to predict the future by a single piece of paper. I found myself in a place where all I was thinking of was economic usage of time, framing law or norms for the exam week, calculating debts and receivables for managing whatever was left in the pocket and above all taking all the things into account to draw statistical inferences of the expected CPI. The above reasons are enough to tell you why I struggle at the hands of exams. The motive behind writing this article is neither talking about MBA nor teaching lessons, it is about a small incident that made me took an errand on the road taken in the past with beautiful memories decorating it just as the flowers on the side of the roads. Some may say that this road leads to nowhere but for me this road connects my heart to the brain and serve as a link between an end and a glorious beginning. Taking that long walk in the past, I drowned in those memories which in itself are a wonder, picturing them brings a lasting smile on my face. Sometimes dreaming of the past with open eyes can lead you to somewhere and that somewhere is place where you can find the beautiful trace that you left behind. The footsteps that you have left in the sands of time will never get lost so that you can follow and live them again. For me it is like turning back the time which brings a contradiction to the fact that time once gone never returns; just savour the moments and you can roll back you clock anytime you want.

Amidst all the tension and hectic schedule you try to find peace in every situation. When a lost you enter in the common area and hear something that stirs up your mind and disturbs the sympathetic chords of your heart. A magical impact leads to a place where you once belonged to and leave you speechless. The moment when you listen to a song that once held many meanings for you. How beautiful are the feelings that flow after the song touches all the unassailable chords of life, the rhyme pacifies you; all you need is a pen and a paper to describe it and add another paragraph to your life’s passage .Memoirs of the song that binds me to a special person and of course the reason for that esoteric relation but as we know some things are beyond one’s mind and strangeness of the end is the reason for every smile. It takes me to a place where love was still young in my blood and was trying to find a way out to mark the glorious beginning of something that completely transformed me. The time was such when facebook had started to dig a grave for orkut and google+ was still in the developers codes, camera phone was the new cool and android was an alien to all the users. Closing years of teenage life coupled with feelings of love, I felt something that is rare and beautiful but at the same time a force to move a step further to express your feelings. “TERA HONE LAGA HUN” the words of the song which means that I am becoming yours, instilled in me nostalgia and has bought back that beautiful phase in which I tried to charm a beauty. It takes me to a world where SMSs were the lone carriers of feelings and internet had not yet given a different level to admirers of beauty. The song held many meanings and I pictured each and every effort that I took to make her feel loved. In between those countless tries there were moments when you thought that it would not happen and doubts arouse in your mind. All those frustrations of failed attempts bring out the best in you and you charm the beauty of your life. The same happened with me too, but to my surprise I discovered a beautiful truth after falling in love with her. We all know that the most basic etiquette is lady’s first but this doesn’t hold true when it comes to giving words to your feelings. A general understanding is that the beast must be the one who moves the beauty with his words to a place where they both can stay. I was not aware of this fact; my every try was a waste as my beauty also believed in this fact and as I say beauties are difficult to understand that is why beasts are blessed with mind and beauties with glitters that act as a fuel to trigger the thought process of beast’s mind.

It seems that love is in the air today and my Venus is on overtime as it is making me dream with open eyes. The dream of a fairy tale having someone who after silencing my every daemon danced with my angels. Some people say that fairytales are too good to be true and the phase comes to an end sooner rather than later. The beauty of my life also thought on the same lines and bid me a farewell saying the fear of the fairytale’s end got to her. Describing me as too good to be true she left the dream and bought an abrupt end to the fairytale. I don’t know whether to take it as a compliment or a consolation and in between all this confusion you smile because it happened. I am not that good to be a dream but I believe that life is all about making everyone smile and that too in a situation when you cannot smile. Moving ahead, spreading this magical curve and increasing it by making them feel loved, gives you an unconditional happiness. The best part is when you smile with them; leaving all your troubles behind. Writing all this I have the most precious gift of smile with me and trust me on the fact when I say my words are unbiased, coming straight from the heart.

The IMG_9320joy of doing things that you love is nothing when compared to doing the same thing for someone who values it, just to bring that priceless smile on the face of the person. Sometimes I feel that I am blessed with this uncanny habit of making people happy with my words, surprising them and leaving them speechless. John Keats was right in saying that a thing of beauty is a joy forever. But when you let that beauty pass by and not experience it, is a pain forever. Your brain will counter the pain by an alternate theory stating every passing minute is an opportunity to turn everything around. You tend to wait for that right moment so that you can turn everything around with an accuracy of a dime but that moment never arrives. Beauty once lost is permanent and then you have to append your dictionary by adding impossible to it.

Having giving words to the feelings that were triggered by that song, I must get some sleep as early morning classes takes away the liberty of enjoying the beautiful colors of night. Sleeping amidst countless stars peeking in from the dark. I wonder whether my life is an open book or is it a book too good to have so many radiating objects peacefully looking at it. But then u see the rising sun and realise that probably there is only one person who wants to follow you and those countless objects are a part of that person.