Confession Of Heart

Twelfth of February, a day when strangeness combined with the loneliness and I found myself striking the keys of the keyboard to fill the room with some sort of cadence to allay that feeling of emptiness that has changed my life upside down. It is that month of the year where you find love brewing out of every corner but somehow my life has no unturned corner left and thus the feeling of emptiness has gripped me. My mind always remains in the practical world and my heart stranded with beauties and their thoughts. They never complement each other, just like two opposite faces of magnet. My heart always gets the better of my mind and Venus being the governing planet, my life has been a journey of falling in and out of love.

What has prompted me to write in this month of love which certainly had an ever lasting impact on me in the past but somehow has lost all its importance? Answer to this question will certainly result in interference of many emotions and my journey in both directions of love. It was very easy for me fall in love every time but that ease of falling in was nowhere to be seen when I discovered the pain of falling out. To recover from that pain, I have always resorted to someone and has resulted in me falling again. My life has always been complex; some have fallen in love with my words and when those words ceased, the phase of falling out started. Once an angel of a fairytale told me to love someone who doesn’t know that you are a master at writing those well intentioned words. Today remembering that beauty and her words brings a smile to my face. I may have ignored her at that point of time but probably she was right, it is the fault of the words that has resulted in the emptiness.

The world will never understand the power of words. My experience with love and hatred has made me experience the might of it. These words can take your heart away, melt it and mold it in a way that you fall in love again. As the strangeness and loneliness has gripped me, I have resorted to these words to break the silence of my life. Just opened the window and fell the evening azure, the breeze just made me remember the most cherished encounter with love. I was in love with her silence, those months when love brewed in my life taught me the power of loving silence. It can overpower any emotion in this world but somehow when my words broke their silence it was again back to a world when words became her preference over me. And now those well intentioned words have stopped coming out and so does the love of her is reaching the natural end.

All this while, I have been in thoughts of someone very different. People say love has a face and even today when I close my eyes I still see her. The phase when I was enjoying my share of love with someone else, her face always existed. She is the one to whom I couldn’t confess, these words built a castle of emotions around her in which she drowned but somehow came to the shore without uttering those words. My words fell short to attract her to my dream filled with emotions of pure love. Even today my words still find her in the core of heart but fail to understand the esoteric relation of life. My dilemma always ends up forming a rhyme and reciting that I have always believed…

What If..

My words find a way..

And tell her that she is the one..

 

What if..

She feels the same emotions..

That I feel..

 

What if..

She was waiting for me to confess,,

With a touch of emotional finesse..

 

What if..

Her heart beats for me..

Like mine beating for her..

 

What if..

She recites the same lullaby..

And her heart and mind rhymes in rhapsody..

 

What if..

She is the way to my dreams..

Breaking the flow of this monotonous stream..

 

What if..

In a parallel universe..

We walk together with every lyrical verse..

 

What If..

This confession compels me..

To write my heart to her..

 

What if..

She denies the feelings..

In which I believe..

Thus bringing an end to that face..

Which has left a beautiful trace..

 

This rise and fall of melody..

The dilemma of what if..

Always finds better of me..

Another try I will give..

My eyes closed, her beautiful face..

These emotions I shall live..

 

NOTE: FICTIONS ARE ALL MINE, FACTS ARE ALL YOURS

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A Stranger

From one end to another beginning, life never stops just changes its pace. The happiness is short lived and the sad part constitutes the bulk of time spent on thinking and thus making it all the more difficult to rise from negative situations. Though some may argue that this is a perceived notion and holds no meaning with reality. For me both are one and the same things as they both ask me do something big. The difference is types of energy that you encounter in the situation, gathering all positives or countering all the negatives to move on a path to your dreams. The starting may be different but the ending is the same so discussing the difference between different situations is meaningless. Simple physics can explain my theory which clearly states that it is not the distance that counts but the displacement; you success story is a measure from where you start and where you reach, it is never the height alone.

Life is good again with empty roads replaced by crowded streets, no strict rules, and minimal use of English for communication and travelling in metro being the most important one. Metro is a place where my mind starts to think and my heart starts to beat. Yesterday was one such day when I had to wait for an hour to meet two most special person of my life. Standing alone on CS metro station I looked around and found nothing but a book shop, I barged into it and to my surprise came out with a business today. Drawing discernible inferences while waiting is perhaps the best time pass and I was looking forward doing the same. Searching for some place to sit where I can enjoy my time with a book, I found a corner and sat there. Opened my business today and looked through the contents and no article can entice me to have a look but still I gave it a try. After 15 minutes of monotony and no climax in the article I gave myself a rest and looked around for some beauty. As soon as I gave up hopes of finding one, a beauty came and set beside me. A typical girl with pink top with matching handbag and her strong perfume being the sole reason of her dragging my attention. I looked up to get a peek of her face and what I saw was a beautiful and that too without those numerous artificial coatings. I couldn’t get my eyes off her and unknowingly I was staring at her. Beauty comes with a tag, so I decided to concentrate on my business magazine. After few minutes I noticed her opening the handbag and pulling out Paulo Coelho’s adultery, the book that is in my wish list. A beauty that too with similar interest, you cannot ask for more.

As soon as I can gather my strength to ask her about the book, she took the lead and asked me looking at my business magazine that how someone could read this magazine and that too with interest. I was surprised with her question and thought for a few minutes before answering it. I am doing an MBA, as soon as she heard the word MBA she said that her sympathies were with me. I smiled and asked her about the book, all I got was an expression stating that it was good. She was constantly looking at her watch and I asked her what the matter with her was? She was waiting for her boyfriend who always ran late and thus the reason for her frustration. She drew an inference and said,” you must be waiting for your other half to come”. I said no, to my surprise she started to stare at me and then gave words to her feelings by asking me whether I was single. I am single was my reply and her expression of surprise was replaced by a loud laughter. I asked her the reason for this sudden transition but she chose not to answer. After a while she said it is rare to find someone in his prime not involved with some girl. With all my charm and wit I said prime is reached when you want to not with the age factor. Nodding her head in approval she gave me a compliment saying that I have got good sense of humour. I said that I believe in the fact that the best part of giving compliments is that you get one back but I don’t know you that is why I cannot give you one back. The look of surprise was again all over her face, she said that she is beautiful and beauty needs no second invitation for compliment. I was trying to find an answer to her statement and just then she added further by saying that she already had noticed me staring at her. I chose not to defend myself and said your beauty is such that you will grab the attention of every admirer. She took my statement as a compliment and our informal candid chats continued. From novels to short stories, Paulo to Bond, cricket to lawn tennis and love to heart break; the topics we talked about and the smile was there throughout the discussion. In between there were intermittent displays of my charm which left her gasping for words.

In course of our chats I noticed that she had 10 missed calls and I told her about the same. Sometimes it is good to keep people waiting to make them realize your worth otherwise you’ll be taken for granted was her reply and I could relate to every word. At last I asked her about her profession and with a smile on her face she said, “I am doing an MBA”, dumbstruck by her reply, the look of surprise had shifted from her to me. She got better of me in this conversation and that in itself was a rarity. Our places converged, world converged, ideas converged and now our future professions converged. I didn’t want our place of study to converge. “I am from MDI”, she said and hearing this I breathed a sigh of relief as I always love the divergent part of the story as convergent is common. An hour passed and we both got up to catch up on our errands. She gave her book to me and took my business today saying that you need to read this before you can write your own bestseller and in the meantime leave those business magazines for people like me. I smiled and accepted the book and asked her how she came to know about the writer part of mine. “My name is Ankita the same girl who followed your blog yesterday and avijit26.wordpress.com will definitely have an update about this incident and I am looking forward to it”, this reply of her left me wondering about this small world where social media can come to life anywhere. She got lost in the crowd and all I can see were two familiar friends coming out from the crowd towards me. Those two were the reason for the candid conversation that took place between a stranger and me. We exited the station but with not before learning few important lessons.

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delhi at its best

Sometimes your life may sound as a fairytale with you being at the center of everything. Some may say that these are too good to be true but I believe in the fact that dreams and reality do coincide and as a matter of fact lightening does strike twice. Sometimes I wonder how a pen and a paper can stir up my world of imagination and make me come up with things to write on. A pen has the power to channelize your energy which results in something that can serve as an example or an inspiration for years to come. The power of pen or words is the most underestimated one; it can be as harsh as any weapon and can be as pleasant as the spring.