Confession Of Heart

Twelfth of February, a day when strangeness combined with the loneliness and I found myself striking the keys of the keyboard to fill the room with some sort of cadence to allay that feeling of emptiness that has changed my life upside down. It is that month of the year where you find love brewing out of every corner but somehow my life has no unturned corner left and thus the feeling of emptiness has gripped me. My mind always remains in the practical world and my heart stranded with beauties and their thoughts. They never complement each other, just like two opposite faces of magnet. My heart always gets the better of my mind and Venus being the governing planet, my life has been a journey of falling in and out of love.

What has prompted me to write in this month of love which certainly had an ever lasting impact on me in the past but somehow has lost all its importance? Answer to this question will certainly result in interference of many emotions and my journey in both directions of love. It was very easy for me fall in love every time but that ease of falling in was nowhere to be seen when I discovered the pain of falling out. To recover from that pain, I have always resorted to someone and has resulted in me falling again. My life has always been complex; some have fallen in love with my words and when those words ceased, the phase of falling out started. Once an angel of a fairytale told me to love someone who doesn’t know that you are a master at writing those well intentioned words. Today remembering that beauty and her words brings a smile to my face. I may have ignored her at that point of time but probably she was right, it is the fault of the words that has resulted in the emptiness.

The world will never understand the power of words. My experience with love and hatred has made me experience the might of it. These words can take your heart away, melt it and mold it in a way that you fall in love again. As the strangeness and loneliness has gripped me, I have resorted to these words to break the silence of my life. Just opened the window and fell the evening azure, the breeze just made me remember the most cherished encounter with love. I was in love with her silence, those months when love brewed in my life taught me the power of loving silence. It can overpower any emotion in this world but somehow when my words broke their silence it was again back to a world when words became her preference over me. And now those well intentioned words have stopped coming out and so does the love of her is reaching the natural end.

All this while, I have been in thoughts of someone very different. People say love has a face and even today when I close my eyes I still see her. The phase when I was enjoying my share of love with someone else, her face always existed. She is the one to whom I couldn’t confess, these words built a castle of emotions around her in which she drowned but somehow came to the shore without uttering those words. My words fell short to attract her to my dream filled with emotions of pure love. Even today my words still find her in the core of heart but fail to understand the esoteric relation of life. My dilemma always ends up forming a rhyme and reciting that I have always believed…

What If..

My words find a way..

And tell her that she is the one..


What if..

She feels the same emotions..

That I feel..


What if..

She was waiting for me to confess,,

With a touch of emotional finesse..


What if..

Her heart beats for me..

Like mine beating for her..


What if..

She recites the same lullaby..

And her heart and mind rhymes in rhapsody..


What if..

She is the way to my dreams..

Breaking the flow of this monotonous stream..


What if..

In a parallel universe..

We walk together with every lyrical verse..


What If..

This confession compels me..

To write my heart to her..


What if..

She denies the feelings..

In which I believe..

Thus bringing an end to that face..

Which has left a beautiful trace..


This rise and fall of melody..

The dilemma of what if..

Always finds better of me..

Another try I will give..

My eyes closed, her beautiful face..

These emotions I shall live..





So Valentine’s week is here and perhaps the reason for couples to celebrate. Yesterday on my way to Delhi, I sensed a different air in the atmosphere. Sorry AAP supporters it has nothing to do with Mr.Kejriwal winning the Delhi elections as I consider myself a political inept to witness the changes. Yes the difference is because of the love that is flowing in the air and treating you with those flowery beds that you see in your distant dreams. The month of February with love not only in the air but also in emotion, infact every possible motion inspired me to write something. Love the purest of emotion and thus February being the purest of month, spreading love and binding hearts. Many people set hopes on the month of February to get someone special or wait for the past to come to sand again. I just close my eyes to get drowned in something too good to be true.

Yesterday I was travelling in the Delhi metro and was right on my favorite spot i.e. the line signifying the demarcation of hell and heaven. Absorbing all the love of the air you could see beauty and beast together and like always beast protecting his beauty from the admirers. Yes there is a considerable rise in the PDA’s that you can see and one must not get too skeptical about it as considering the amount of love that this month has it is bound to flow or find a passage to slowly come out in the form of gestures that in India are considered offensive. I have always loved the intermittent display of affection and have enjoyed it as it gives me a picture of a world where love will over power every negative emotion. The ride through the metro made me remember the last year when I was busy charming a beauty with all and thus having the feelings of love in the nascent stage. From that nascent stage I could see the maturity where we were happy together and living in the world of ours. Though wanting the time to stop at our world but sometimes life gets better of you and you are forced to see a decline stage. The last stage is the most painful one and time seems to stop and makes you remember the beauty of that beautiful soul. As I say I am an expert at drawing analogies and comparing it with product life cycle, one can find similarities. This MBA has literally polluted my mind; love in the form of different concepts of MBA comes out and makes me wonder about my state.

My reason for travelling to Delhi was to meet one of my best friends and to help her out with shopping. To my utter surprise she wanted me to shop for the Valentine’s Day as she considered me a veteran in this field who has relevant experience of years in this field. Entering in the paper rose shop, I could see young couples trying to please each other with all the materialistic material they could find. Writing my experience of this strange valentine’s week shopping, I had to put romantic numbers on my music system as love is just the emotion that is not left in me. Seeing the prices of the items present I wanted to rename the shop by replacing the world paper with gold. A paper rose will at max cost 50 rs but there was nothing that a 50 rs note could buy. Fortunately these products are not considered while calculating inflation as on the name of love they burn a huge hole in the pockets of lovers. Selecting the card that could convey the emotions that she wanted was the task given to me. Reading the words inside numerous cards made me dive into the past and relive the time when I used to write poems for my beloved for the Valentine’s week. From every word to every emotion, I always wanted it to be perfect but after reading all these cards I came to know how many bucks I have saved all these years. My journey to the past held no good and I truncated it abruptly while trying to enjoy the work given to me. Moving on to the other side of life is the best you can do but this month of love will some way or the other disturb those unassailable chord of yours that have a direct connection to your heart. The music of that disturbance will take you to a world where you dance with your Paper & Craftouter3angel. But one must be vary of the after effects that hearing that music can have and in order to reduce the pain one must remain immune to that melody that once held many meanings.

Coming back to the task, I did it quite easily and was enjoying the aura that had love in its every surrounding. The soft music in the backdrop just added more semblances of love and seeing the shop decorated in red, my heart and mind both were missing the beauty of my life who had promised to surprise me with the gift of words this valentine’s day. Shopping for someone else was kind of different and I loved each and every emotion associated with it. Finally our shopping was over and thus our beautiful meeting. One can say that I miss this part of February the most and realizing this my friend came up with a gift and that too a novel that had been in my wish-list for long. Receiving a gift after so many days bought a smile on my face and I could not thank her enough as what she did make me enjoy the emotions that were once the world to me. She made me live those beautiful moments again and instilled in me hope that a beautiful beginning awaits me.

To that beautiful someone, the relation of roses and thorns will continue and wait for the time when we will talk for a very long time. Discussing each other’s life with intermittent silence while looking into the eyes and talking through it; feeling the most powerful emotion of love again. Those cups of coffee will never be same without you as the perfect ingredient that you bring with your charming face and beautiful silence can never be replaced. Time is not far when we will again sit and enjoy the hot sips of coffee together. Just waiting for the time to come to sand again so that I can have both loves of my life together i.e. coffee and you…